Team Tracy

3 MONTHS & 3 LETTERS!

2012-01-05T09:06:00.000-08:00

(With Kylie in September - what a difference a few months make!)

This past week I did my 3 month check up since my last treatment. I hold my breath every month I go for bloodwork, literally...I have found myself feeling like I can't breathe...and I realize...I'm not. Great way to give yourself a panic attack. As my friend Siri tells me.... "Dart, you need to Breathe!" Yes, yes...you do. But this month marked the 3 month journey from when I was initially told I was "NED". Happy to say that over these crazy past 3 months...I'm still NED (No Evidence of Disease).

So in a week that I am trying to move out of my apartment, and I feel exhausted and I feel like there is too much to do and I'm falling down on the job of being a good friend - and fundraising - and being the person I want to be...I am reminded...You beat cancer! This week is NOTHING! I CAN DO ANYTHING!

The journey continues...life after cancer. Thanks for coming along for the ride!

(With Kylie on New Years Eve - Welcome 2012)

HAPPY NEW YEAR! Welcome 2012!!!

2011-12-31T19:02:00.000-08:00

Wishing all of my friends and family and blog followers near and far, a very Happy New Year! Looking forward to new beginnings, positive energy and a year full of good health and happiness. I am not making any resolutions this year...but my goal for 2012 is to be better & do better. Physically, emotionally and spiritually! Hoping you all find inspiration and hope with this clean slate and new year ahead!

HAPPY NEW YEAR!!!

Tentmate Tales with Trudy & Tracy

2011-11-07T12:11:00.000-08:00

A week doesn't go by that I don't run into or hang out with some of the girls from my 3 Day team - TEAM TRACY. Inevitably we end up reminissing about our 3 days and 60 miles together. My tentmate, Trudy, and I started recounting the events of this years Saturday night at camp which led into an unfortunate wake up call on Sunday morning. We were howling laughing - and I was reminded I never shared the story here. So here it goes.

Tracy & Trudy Seattle 3 Day 2010

Trudy and I have a running joke about tenting together, because in 2010, our first year as tentmates, Trudy made the mistake of slathering herself in IcyHot and then wearing footie pajamas to bed (see photo above). Mind you - she was sleeping in a ThermaNest sleeping bag that she could have slept outdoors on the Artic Circle in...needless to say - she got a little warm. Halfway through the night she was stripping down naked in the tent - and she said she was terrified I would wake up and wonder why she was naked in the middle of the night. I slept right through it, none the wiser until I woke up and she said "you should probably know I'm naked in my sleeping bag". Many jokes and hours of laughter over the incident ensued. So the running joke every morning at camp is me asking "Trudy, do you have any clothes on?"

So this year, on Saturday evening we had to walk Trudy from the shower trucks where she took out her contacts, back to our tents. She can't see a thing, so when we got in our tent and I realized there was an enormous mosquito flying around the top of our tent - she couldn't see it. I tried standing up in the 2 man tent - on an air mattress - then chased the mosquito - with the only thing I could find to squish it with...my sock. Thank God Trudy was blind and couldn't see this all go down...although I was nearly bouncing her off the air mattress and screaming as this mosquito was trying to fly in my face. She just laid there giggling at me. This is why we need boys on our team - to kill the bugs!

The rain started just as we went to bed, and it rained all night. I knew we were going to wake up in a big mud puddle. My alarm clock was set for 5 a.m., all the bugs were out and all that my post chemo/ overwalked body wanted to do was sleep. About 4 a.m. I heard some commotion outside. My first thought was - man, these people are overachievers - getting up at 4 a.m. to pack up their tents and get out on the route first. Then I realized people were yelling and there seemed to be some sense of urgency coming from these peoples voices. It was that moment I heard my teammate Samantha say, "Holy Crap the sprinklers are coming on...we have 10 minutes to get out of here". WHAT? The fine folks at Marymoor Park forgot to turn the sprinkler system off. Apparently starting at about 3:15am the first set of sprinklers started going off at one end of the camp. Quickly the 3 Day crew realized that they were going to go off across the park about every 15 minutes. We had 10 minutes before our sprinklers were going to go off.

I quickly sat up - grabbed a flashlight...and this is how our conversation went:
Trudy: You should probably know that I'm naked in my sleeping bag.
Tracy: You should probably know that the sprinklers are going off and we need to move our tent NOW.
Trudy: Are you $HITTING ME?

The next 30 minutes was utter chaos. First, Trudy needed to put on some clothes. I high tailed it out of the tent. Mind you, after walking and then sleeping on the ground 2 nights in a row, trying to high tail it anywhere is next to impossible. Trudy helped shove me out the door of the tent - flip flops were the only reasonably easy shoe to put on. Crew members were yelling to us that we didn't have time to tear down our tents...we needed to drag them across the park to a sprinkler free area.

Remember - Trudy is now clothed, but can't see. My right arm and hand, because of my lymphedema was all tingly and I could barely feel it. We decide to grab the sides of the tent and try to drag it as best we could. I'm virtually no help at this point - accept to give Trudy directions and to try not to run over or into anyone else. We finally get to the Gear Truck area...now we need to pack up and try to find everything we need for the day. I am still in the sweatpants I slept in and my Team Tracy sweatshirt...my feet are completely covered in grass and mud, and everything - and I mean EVERYTHING was soaking wet. Just as we were repacking our bags, rolling up our sleeping bags - a sprinkler goes off in the middle of the gear truck area. This apparent "sprinkler free" zone...was not sprinkler free. People were diving into their tents trying not to get hit by the sprinklers...luggage waiting to be loaded on the truck was getting drenched...crew members were running across the park with a table from the dining tent to throw over the sprinkler.

I'm not sure I've EVER woke up having to move that quickly, in that much pain and being that cold and wet. All I could imagine was my doctor looking at me and saying "THIS is why I didn't want you doing the 3 Day - 3 Days after your last chemo treatment". Oops!

We dragged our belongings with us into the dining tent - trying to make sure we had everything we needed. The medical tent had to be set up in the dining tent, the place literally looked like a refugee camp or some kind of pink version of the MASH 4077. The rain kept coming down and crew members were handing out rain ponchos. I am still in the clothes I slept in...so I decided to just wear my sweatpants I had slept in, except they were soaking wet at the bottoms...so the only reasonable thing to do would be to cut them off at the bottom. My teammate Eleni grabbed a pair of scissors and started cutting...when she was done I stood up and look at the bottoms, all jagged and uneven. Our team decided I looked like a pirate. Nevermind, I didn't care at this point.

We loaded onto school busses which were going to take us to the University of Washington to the start of the Day 3 route. I was lucky enough to sit next to a young lady who was from Neah Bay and was walking for her Senior project. She asked me some really awesome, thoughtful questions about cancer and the 3 day walk. I was lucky enough to see her when I walked into Holding at the end of the day and she asked if she could take a picture with me and use it in her slide show for her Senior Project. I told her I would be honored. So, we all trotted off the bus...feeling like we had already been through a war that morning...but ready to take on the last 20 miles.

If cancer and chemo weren't going to stop me - nor was some rain and sprinklers!
THANK YOU TRUDY, not for just being an awesome tentmate - but for being by my side and a friend through this whole process. I know you would do anything for me - including drag our tent across a field by yourself! LOVE YOU!

Tracy & Trudy Seattle 3 Day 2011

Coming in from the Storm...

2011-10-23T17:52:00.000-07:00

There was a day, what seems now like a million years ago - which in reality was only about a year and half ago - someone offered to runaway with me. I had just found out my cancer had returned for a 2nd time. This person said - lets go to the airport...lets just fly away and get as far away from here as possible. I was so tempted - so SO tempted. He had the money - and I had the motivation to go! Looking back somedays - I kind of wish I would have. But I didn't - I decided that I wasn't a "runaway" kind of girl. I'm more of a "put your jacket and wellies on and grab an umbrella and wait for the shitstorm to come" kind of girl.

What I knew in that moment - was eventually I would have to come home...and I would still have cancer. I would still have bills piled up, I would have to deal with surgeries - so why not face it and move forward. For the better part of the past 4 years, that is what I've done. I've faced every crappy circumstance that came along...I didn't run (well lets be honest - *walk* ) away. Somehow this is all seeming to catch up with me now. Maybe I should have ran away back then...maybe I should have given myself a break.

So this weekend, even if just for a few days...I've ran away. Trying to remember how to take care of myself. Mentally and physically. The rat race - the running from event to event - the trying to be everything and everywhere to everyone has stopped...atleast for a few days. Batteries need to recharge and I need to figure out the best gameplan to get myself healthy and back on track! After every good storm, comes brighter days ahead...so I better get ready for those brighter days. Maybe a rainbow or two and even a pot of gold perhaps!

No wellies, no rain jacket or umbrella! Just rest, relaxation and reconnecting - with myself!

On a scale of 1 to Cancer...

2011-10-17T13:25:00.000-07:00

Birthdays are interesting. I used to obsess over them and complain about how much older I was getting. I would get my hair done and buy a new outfit. Amazing how my tune has changed these days about my birthday. I just want to be surrounded by the people I love. I don't care where. I have realized that my friends and I could have fun anywhere. As for my hair...well, we know that story. Having some is a birthday present enough. As for a new outfit...I am happiest in my jeans and hoodie and boots. And then there is complaining about getting older. If I could strangle the 25 year old version of myself - who cried on my 25th birthday because "I WAS SO OLD" - I would. Who am I to not thank my lucky stars every day for another year. Of course, I know that now, on the other side of cancer.

Never again will I complain about a birthday. What a gift! In the past two weeks I have lost two young friends...who would have loved to have more time. So on this birthday - I think of my friends that have passed too young, too soon. It is a constant reminder that we are guaranteed nothing. We must grab ahold of each day - live it the best way we know how. Remember to love eachother...and let go of grudges and disappointments as quickly as possible. As I like to say, on a scale of 1 to Cancer....how big of a deal is this??? Most things don't even make it on the scale.

So I've decided this year I need to focus on some new things...since I feel like I have a my honorary medical degree after this whole Breast Cancer crap...I am well aware that I am quite capable of learning new things. So...

1. I'm taking a CPR class. After recent events when a dear friend had to give another friend CPR, I realized I would have no idea what to do. Also, spending time with my 3 year old niece (who I would stand in front of a train for) - I feel like I need to know how to help her if something ever happened.

2. I'm taking a self-defense class. I do a lot of walking. Sometimes by myself - and you just never know. After a relatively scary moment when a man walked up behind me the other night and made a creepy comment - I realized if he had grabbed me...I wouldn't not know what to do.

3. I'm learning Italian this year. I will get to Italy in my lifetime...someday. And when I get there...I will be able to speak the language.

So thats my list so far...I'm sure there will be more.

Thank you all for the Birthday wishes! I am SO thankful for 37...things are just getting interesting.

Fighting, Winning, Rinse, Repeat.

2011-10-12T15:34:00.000-07:00

Its not every week that you get life changing news. I've had a few of them over the past 4 years. The first being the day I heard I had cancer. A lot of people ask me about that day. Especially now. Its hard to explain. I remember my doctors voice sounded like the teacher from the Charlie Brown cartoons. Her mouth was moving, I couldn't really hear what she was saying. I remember I was wearing my new pair of Paolo patent leather mary janes and a skirt...I was thinking I was looking pretty cute. Too cute to have cancer. This had to be a joke. It wasn't.

I didn't cry. I didn't even tell anyone for 4 days. I carried the weight of the world on my shoulders, and I went through the motions of my life. When do you tell your best friends and your family that you have cancer? I wanted to protect them. I wondered if there was any way I could do this without letting anyone know. But I soon realized that would be impossible.

This week I had another day of life changing news. Monday I heard (for the 3rd time) that my body was cancer-free. (think about that sentence for a second). What should be the best news I've had in months, while it makes me happy, it terrifies me. Three times now I've heard these words. The past two times I thought it was over. Now again, I should be able to move forward...but I'm paralyzed. Marinating in every painful thing that has gone on over the past 4 years...the hurt feelings, the relationships that went down in flames, the friends that checked out, my body holding on for dear life...and the death of my credit and financial stability. It's like dead soldiers cluttering my thoughts. This is the stuff that builds up the walls that make me go into freak out mode sometimes. So while it was happy news, I have spent a couple days trying to pull myself together. I'm trying to embrace the fact that I am getting another chance and try to not let the "what if's" down the road cloud my present. I get today...I get to breathe...I get to keep fighting for my friends who didn't get their 2nd and 3rd chances.

So friends...here we are again. We get to put another "W" on the scorecard. A friend told me the other day, we needed this Victory...with everything else going on in the world...we needed a WIN. So I am exhausted...but I brought ya' home a win. I didn't get a trophy or anything...but its a win nonetheless.

Just when you thought no one was looking...

2011-10-05T16:08:00.000-07:00

Today I got a note on Facebook from a woman who also walked the 3 Day Walk this past September. She found a photo of me on a mutual friends page that had me tagged in the photo. Apparently she walked behind me the last 2 miles to closing ceremonies. Just another 3 Day miracle. I am so proud of my team and support crew, because I hear from people so many times how much they appreciated our energy. Also proud of my new friend who made it the last 2 miles.
Here is just a portion of her note:

"I walked out of the last Pit Stop on the waterfront, and you and your three friends were walking in front of me. My feet felt like they were going to fall off and I had my head down and had no idea how I was going to make those last two miles to Closing Ceremonies, but then I started to listen to you and your friends talking, laughing, singing and then even dancing when your cheerleaders in the convertible came by. Then another car came by - and then a Jeep. You had a caravan! Then I noticed the sign on your back, and I think my jaw was permanently dropped for a good 3 blocks. Tears streamed down my face as you asked your friend with her bandaged knees if she was okay, or if she wanted to rest a minute. You gave high fives to people on the street and took off a pair of your pink beads around your neck and handed them to a little girl on the corner. Suddenly I couldn't feel my feet, I didn't notice the sweat dripping down my back, all I could do was listen to you and your friends. Thank you for getting me to the Closing Ceremony. I know you didn't know you did - but you did. I kicked myself for not introducing myself and telling you that I admired you. Then I was looking at my friends photos online and saw your back with your sign on it. I am so happy I now get to thank you. You symbolized everything that I worked for to get to the 3 day, and to have you remind me why I did this in the last 2 miles was the perfect ending to an amazing weekend. Your are gutsy and gorgeous. You ooze positive energy and you were all SO present in the moment. I hope that next year I will see you again, and I can introduce myself. "

This is what it's all about folks. Such a perfect reminder that sometimes its the things you do when you think no one is looking that make the biggest impact. My 3 Day tank is filled again.

Missing Miss Kate...

2011-10-03T10:55:00.000-07:00

Yesterday I woke up to a phone call letting me know that my friend, Kate, who was battling Breast Cancer for a second time - had passed away. She had been moved to hospice less than a week ago - so we knew her time was limited. It was one of those phone calls no one should have to make - and no one should have to receive. I held it together on the phone - but after sitting a moment I erupted into a flood of tears and emotion. It never gets easier. People always say they passed peacefully with their family surrounding them. A 9 year old daughter should not have to stand in a hospital room and say goodbye to her mother. Her 3 year old will never understand why one day her mom didn't come home. Her parents should not have to bury their daughter. My emotion quickly turned from sadness to anger. I turned on the TV and saw all the NFL players wearing their pink cleats and a pink ribbon on their jersey - it made me want to punch something. I get it that they are raising awareness, and they donate proceeds from their online auction...but that isn't going to bring Kate back. My anger soon turned to fear and guilt. Kate and I had very similar stories in the beginning of our cancer journey, which is why we began talking and swapping battle stories. Why am I still here and she's not? How did she get taken away from her husband and children - and I get to celebrate my 37th Birthday in 2 weeks. This disease is so wreckless and unfair.

Kate and I met last year while I was doing chemo (the 2nd time) and she called me "Magic" (yes, like the basketball player). I didn't know why, and finally one day I just had to ask. She said that one day in the chemo suite she was in the hall and heard laughter erupting out of the room. She asked the nurse what was going on in there - and the chemo nurse said "Tracy is here - she is pure magic". So that is how she remembered me...I was now "Magic". As we got to know eachother a little better - she would ask if I brought my fairy dust to sprinkle on everyone. I always liked that idea - as if every hug, handshake, wink or kiss left a trail of fairy dust.

I had seen Kate the week before I was going to do the 3 Day Walk, she actually is the one that came up with idea for the "fueled by chemo & determination" sign I wore on my back. I told her that I was starting to think I was nuts for trying to go to the 3 Day...and she said "Magic, your "only" job is to go there with an open heart and let the miracles happen". I can tell you - for certain...that miracles happened throughout that entire 3 days. Connections with old friends, seeing the "Aha!" moments of so many new walkers, seeing how much love and consideration the crew and community gave all of us - and making connections with so many new friends and wondering how I ever survived the week before without them in my life.

I now know that Kate had stopped her treatment awhile ago, and decided to spend her last couple of months enjoying time with her family. Seeing her that Tuesday before the 3 Day was a total fluke - or NOT. Miracles happen - every day. I believe that Kate will now be the one sprinkling fairy dust on my life, my conversations, my sometimes heavy heart.

Kate,
You will be missed my sweet friend! Your mega-watt smile will never be forgotten, and I will cherish our talks in the "suite".
Love, Magic

I CAN DO THIS...

2011-09-26T10:30:00.000-07:00

Sitting in a coffee shop this morning - I'm watching the rain pouring outside. It was a little over 4 months ago that I got my 3rd Cancer Diagnosis (read here) - I remember it was sunny, and I was sitting at my best friends condo when my doctor called. Everything after that - seems a little hazy. I said once, after doing chemo last summer - that I couldn't ever do that again. I couldn't fight or go through treatment again. It was too much! What's amazing about the human spirit, is that you CAN do it. You do what you have to do. Yes, I fell into a slump on her couch and balled my eyes out for an hour...but then I went into survival mode. That day in May - thinking about my summer full of doctors appointments, surgery, chemo, blood transfusions, shots, and poking etc etc...September seemed like an eternity. This would be the longest 4 months of my life!

Well, here we are. Tomorrow is my last chemo appointment - and yes, I am (as always) cautiously optimistic. There are a lot of hoops to jump through before me or my doctor will consider me cancer-free or NED (no evidence of disease). For that matter - it takes 5 years post treatment with clean scans and blood work before they will consider you to be in "remission". So my road - although it seems like it's coming to end, once again. I realize my road is a long one. Cancer will be something that will haunt me - it will keep me awake at night...probably for awhile. But I will say that it may actually take me on some exciting journeys...without this experience - and some of the people I have met...I am certain I would never have been the person I am today. It is crucial for me to look at this moment as a jumping off point!

So once again, I must say thank you to "Team Tracy" (that's all of you). It was a collective effort to get me through cancer for a 3rd time. From helping pay bills, to making me meals, holding my hand and wiping away tears...I couldn't do it without your support! But as always, surviving this disease won't be enough in my book...we need to make sure we don't lose anymore of our friends or family to this disease. I will continue to keep fighting for a cure - for all of us!

Getting Swept Away...

2011-09-22T15:31:00.000-07:00

(At PitStop 2 on Day 1 - after walking across the I-90 Bridge)

The 2011 Susan G. Komen 3 Day was a hard one for me...from every single aspect. Being the team captain - organizing fundraisers - ordering team gear...training (what is that?)...it was a lot. Last April when I had found out that my cancer had spread to my Lymphnodes and that I was going to have to endure surgery and 12 treatments of chemotherapy - my hopes for a record making year for TEAM TRACY were dashed. The monthly fundraisers I wanted to do, soon vanished - and the training schedule died along side of the fundraising. Suddenly it was every man (or woman in this case) for themself. My disappointment mounted - before I even had a chance to realize what was happening around me. Amazing how your teammates step up when the going gets tough! I want to thank (emphatically) - my team for their unwavering determination to make sure they raised money and they got to that starting line last Friday. You all took the spirit of the 3 Day and ran with it - helping eachother raise funds, donating extra money to eachother and helping others out every step of the way. And this was all before we even took our first step of 60 miles together! You are an inspiring team! I am so lucky to have you all surrounding me!

Another reason this year was a tough one was simply the physical condition I was in at the point we walked. My body, although not frail by any means, has been through a lot this summer. My doctors and nurses were skeptical of my presence at this years walk. I told them in June - there was no question I would be there. At that point I had no idea if I would be in a wheelchair or if I would be able to actually walk. But I would be there! I managed to make it through the summer without catching any colds or getting sick (besides the side effects from chemo) - and -well, I proved them all wrong and I was there - on my own two feet. And I even managed to walk about 5-6 miles a day. I slept in a tent - and I got to do everything everyone else gets to do at the 3 Day Camp. It was "to date" the biggest accomplishment of my life!

There were a lot of people that made sure that I was going to make it through these 60 miles. Whether it be on foot - or by 4 wheels - and that was the AMAZING Sweep Crew that worked the route all 3 Days. I can honestly say - that without them - and the special care they gave me, this 3 Day would not have been possible for me. At every turn, every mile, they made sure I was okay. They yelled my name out the windows of the sweep vans and would ask if I was okay. If I didn't immediately give them a thumbs up - the van would come to a stop - and they would have me assess how I was feeling and what my plan and goals were for the day. They were going to make sure my goals were met - no matter what that took - to the point that they would drive me within a block of a cheering station - so I could see friends and family - and then they would wait for me on the other side to pick me back up. Their Sweep Crew Captain, Siri, gave me her personal cell number - and she gave me maps of the route, so I knew exactly where we were headed - and so I had an idea of parts of the route that wouldn't be accessible to sweep vans or medics. It was heartwarming the care and special attention I was given.

(the 2011 Seattle Sweep Crew - Amazing Ladies)

On day 3, after walking about 5 miles in the morning - I decided to walk the last 2 miles with my team into Holding. I was able to make it those 2 miles and I walked into the sea of supporters cheering us on. I had made it - I had accomplished my goal! Skeptics and nay-sayers be damned! I always tell folks....all you have to do is tell me I can't do something - and then you better sit back and watch me do it! The Sweep crew was all there cheering me on and giving high fives! What a moment! Worried I wouldn't see any of the sweep crew again after closing ceremonies - I sent Siri a text telling her to share my love and gratitude to each of her crew members.

(walking in with the Survivors)

Walking into Closing Ceremonies is always a little tough for me. Being the only Survivor on my team, they all walk in before me - and then I walk in with the survivors. As much of a proud moment as that is - I always kind of wish I had a friend to hold on to...to put my arm around when emotion gets the best of us. But this year - I walked in with the Survivors...and just happened to be standing in front of the entire Sweep Crew in the Crew section. What are the chances? It was awesome...the very group that got me there - were now supporting me. At one point when I was taking in the ceremony and tears were rolling down my face...I felt a hand on my shoulder. I was exhausted and emotional - grateful and proud - sad for those who weren't there with us - but very aware that I still was. I realized that hand came from my friend Siri - who had bent over backwards to make this weekend happen for me. How very fitting it would be to have this friend support me, with her entire crew behind her - up until the time the flag was raised for the last time and the 3 Day was over. This is just one reason I love the 3 Day community - and everything we work towards as a group. It is the 3 Day motto that "Everyone Deserves A Lifetime". I believe that everyone deserves to feel this kind of love - and until you do - you aren't truly living. My tank of love and gratitude was filled up this weekend - and I will be running on my 3 Day high for quite sometime.

THANK YOU SIRI AND THE 2011 SEATTLE 3-DAY SWEEP CREW!!!!

3 Days of Wonderful!

2011-09-21T13:06:00.000-07:00

(the sign I wore on my backpack all weekend)

I don't know if there is any way to put into words what happened over 3 days this past weekend, I don't think there is any way to give this experience justice - unless you were there living and breathing it! Here are a few photos from the weekend...that speak volumes. As soon as I have more energy I will tell some of the many AMAZING stories that came out of a weekend with 16 team members, an excellent support crew, 2000 fellow walkers and 400 crew members. We did something pretty special this last weekend...to the tune of $5.3 Million Dollars. Now THAT is a weekend well spent!

(the VW Beetle donated for the weekend from Carter VW in Ballard)

From this Survivor to all those out there that walk, crew and donate to the Susan G. Komen 3 Day all over the nation...I am forever indebted to you all for the determination, courage and sacrifices you make and have made to fight to keep me alive. I detected my cancer early because of information I learned after walking my first 3 Day walk in 2006. I received screening and innovative new testing because of a grant from Susan G. Komen to Seattle Cancer Care Alliance. The drugs I take each week are around because of research that Susan G. Komen for the Cure helps fund. It is no exaggeration to say that what you do will ultimately SAVE MY LIFE and the lives of thousands of other women. So when you raise your shoe to salute the survivors...I hope you know that we are the ones who are indebted to you - that we will never be able to begin to thank you for what you have given us. The best we can do is walk along side of you and keep on fighting! I walk because EVERYONE DESERVES A LIFETIME!

(My angel on this 3 day walk - Siri meets me as we leave camp Day 2)

(Dawn, Jen Rice, Me and Sarah - Day 2 - Pit Stop 3 in Redmond)

(A few "I Heart Tracy Dart" supporters snuck into camp and left me a sign on my tent)

(Part of our team after Closing ceremonies at Memorial Stadium)

2011 3 DAY STATS:

Personal Total Raised: $4358.25

Walked approx. 16 miles over 3 days between chemo #10 & #11

Team Tracy Participants: 16

Money raised for 2011 by our team (to date): $38,574.00

Money raised by Team Tracy since 2006: approx. $140,000.00

Total participants in 2011: 2000

Crew participants in 2011: 375

Total $ raised in Seattle for 2011: $5.3 Million

60 MILES (f)OR BUST(s)!

2011-09-14T15:41:00.000-07:00

I changed up the music on here a bit! Needed some motivating music to get me pumped up for the weekend! Can hardly believe we will be walking in less than 40 hours. Considering we plan for it all year - it still always feels like I'm never ready. Especially this year. But there is something about this 3 Day experience that takes ahold of you and won't let go. You don't just join the 3 Day or a 3 Day team - you BELONG! It's an instant family! I could not be more excited to see my 3 Day family this weekend...I get to see some friends who I only get to see once a year - at this event. I also get to (finally) meet some folks who I have facebooked and Tweeted with over the past year. We will finally get to show eachother some support in person. I also get to spend some quality time with my team - just a fantastic group of women! Amazing stuff happens over these 3 Days.

Could not be prouder of my team and the great things they have accomplished. As of today we have gone over the $35,000 mark. We have more coming in...and it is absolutely from a grassroots effort from each and every team member. 16 of us will set out on the road together from Century Link Field (formerly Qwest Field) at the crack of dawn on Friday morning...walking east over the I-90 floating bridge (should be some awesome photo opportunities) towards Bellevue for lunch, and down into Redmond where we will camp that night. Saturday we will venture out around the eastside in a loop that will bring us back to Redmond for a 2nd night of camping. Sunday we will be bussed towards Seattle and dropped near the University of Washington. We will wind our way through the UW down into Freemont and Ballard and will make our way to a huge celebration and closing ceremonies at Memorial Stadium at the Seattle Center.

I have to thank so many businesses for their support and getting us where we are...
Special Thanks to:
Carter Volkswagen
Christos on Alki
Cherry Consignment
West 5
Mr. Sparky
Angelina's Trattoria
Admiral Pub
New Balance
Envy on Alki
Northwest Window Coverings
Total Appearance Services
Imelda Dulcich PR
The West Seattle Eagles
West Seattle Coffee House
Mediability

Thank you to Johnny Fotopolous for driving our TEAM vehicle all weekend (donated by Carter Volkswagen) and Tony Blazejack of Vecta Photo who will be taking photos this weekend for us. And many thanks to those of you who plan to come out to cheering stations and Opening and Closing Ceremonies. You have no idea how much it means to have the support of our family and friends! For complete details of the weekends events - please check out the Spectator Information page HERE!

For hourly/daily updates from me out on the route - Please check out my Facebook Page HERE or follow me on Twitter at @TeamTracyWalks and @tdart.

Once again - thank you for supporting me and my team! Away we go... 60 Miles (f)or Bust(s)!

The Susan G. Komen 3 Day Credo:

"We walk because we must, we are strong because the journey demands it.

Together in body, and united in spirit - we lay down our footsteps for this generation and the next.

This is our promise, A World Without Breast Cancer."

One Nation, Under God

2011-09-11T11:12:00.000-07:00

Ten years later, it's pretty tough to remember the world before Sept. 11, 2001. The day our security as a nation was rocked to its core, and the day I realized how vulnerable we were.

At that time I was 26 and was working in the Marketing department for Princess Cruises & Tours. I had accompanied 16 travel agents to Alaska to promote our tours. We had 2 days left of our trip - and we were staying in the Mt. McKinley Wilderness Lodge, and on September 10th, my biggest worry in the world was that I was supposed to go up in a helicopter the next morning to take a scenic tour of the area. I HATE flying...so I was terrified. The night of September 10th, I fell asleep in my room with the TV on...and I awoke at 4:45am on September 11th to the sound of Katie Couric's voice saying that there was breaking news, there had been an explosion at the World Trade Center. The next several hours were a blur. I wanted to be home so badly - but was reminded that being in the wilderness in Alaska may be the safest place to be at that time. When we got news that all airspace was shut down, the front desk person informed our group that we would not be able to take our scenic helicopter ride. I was relieved - but crushed. I prayed the night before for a way to get out of going up in the helicopter...but I would have never imagined the reason I would be spared was because of something like this.

We traveled by train to Anchorage later that day, and at one point we had to pass by the Elmendorf Air Force Base. Seeing fighter jets on the runway, prepared to scramble at any minute if needed, almost took my breathe away. It was an amazing - as well as a terrifying sight.

These 16 travel agents who had traveled from all over the United States, who were complete strangers up until a few days prior, now became friends. We huddled together around TV's, cried and hugged eachother as we talked about our families - and helped eachother figure out travel arrangements to get us all back home. Most of us alone and away from our families, we formed a bond and were prepared to take care of eachother for as long as we were stuck away from home. Two days later airspace was reopened - I got word from our office that I could get on a flight out of the Anchorage Airport that night. I will never forget sitting in the "Cheers" bar in the airport and having drinks at the bar and watching the image of planes hitting the Twin Towers over and over and over again. I was about to get on an airplane, which I would be afraid of doing under normal circumstances, and now I had to watch planes colliding into buildings as I prepared to board my flight. Later I found out that I was on one of the first flights back up in the air after the 9/11 attacks.

So today, I remember those that lost their lives that fateful day in New York, Washington D.C and Pennsylvania. I also remember those folks I met up in Alaska. I think about the way people came together and treated eachother with kindness and respect. Back then I hoped this new found attitude would be permanent - but alas, somehow we all fell back into our old ways. As we remember where we were that morning of September 11th - I hope we can also remember how to be kind. ONE NATION, UNDER GOD!

When kindness prevails!

2011-09-06T13:19:00.000-07:00

The sad truth is there are some icky people out in the world. I refuse to be cynical and believe they are in the majority - or even a large percentage. But they seem to be the loudest! They seem to be the ones that make a big stink - they take their angry energy, their bad attitudes and their self-loathing and sloth all over those of us who try (against all odds) to wake up in the morning and say "lets make a difference today"..."let's try to make someone smile"... or just try to get through the day for that matter. These people get my blood boiling faster than anything else. What a sad life it must be to just look for ways to be miserable and try to make everyone miserable around you. Shame on them!

So yesterday, after receiving an email from one of these types of people...who told me I was rude for ignoring him and to go back to my pity party. Mind you, this person was only ignored because I happened to be sitting with a dear friend who had just found out that his father had passed away unexpectedly. Apparently I'm rude for not focusing my attention on him! The tears that were being shed were not in any way because of my personal situation, or because I was wanting pity. Someone died - it was sad - life is hard - friends call on friends. THAT is what friends do...of course, I would never expect this person to EVER understand what real friends do for eachother. So, although, I wanted to respond to his email with something equally as hurtful and mean. I did not. Even though I would love to call this person out and have everyone I know wanting to meet him in a dark alley...I will not. I'm guessing just living with himself MUST be the ultimate punishment. So I am going to stay up here on the high road - where I am CERTAIN I will never run into him.

So after reading the previously mentioned email, and as the smoke coming out my ears finally started to settle...I tried to refocus on something that makes me happy - that makes my heart feel good! Something that restores my belief and faith in the human race. I went to the Susan G. Komen 3 Day for the Cure website ...just to see how our team was doing. I noticed my bestfriend Jennifer was still $598 from meeting her $2300 goal. This is a problem. In 5 years - I have never done a 3 day without her. We needed to get her closer to her goal. So I put out a message on facebook asking that any of my friends and family who still wanted to donate to the 3 day, should donate to Jennifer. Within an hour...Jennifer met her goal. And the beauty of it - the thing that makes my heart so happy it brought tears to my eyes - was that it was another Seattle 3 day Team that donated the money. And even more fitting - their team name is Strength In Sisterhood . Wendy & Tina are the only two team members and they have walked since 2008. Knowing how important it was for me to have Jennifer on this walk...and in the true spirit of the 3 day - they donated money they had raised. What a fabulous reminder from these two generous women - when it comes to fighting cancer - we are all on the same team! THANK YOU WENDY & TINA!

So on a day where I was so discouraged by one person - my outlook and faith was restored that being kind to one another rocks. KINDNESS PREVAILED!!!

Me and the Strength in Sisterhood Team at the 2009 Seattle 3 Day!

"No, you can't rub my head."

2011-08-31T17:33:00.000-07:00

Considering that this is my week off from chemo - you'd think I would be in a better mood. I think I'm anxious about getting my bloodwork done tomorrow...and what that will tell us. Is the chemo working? Am I really just 3 treatments away from possibly beating this thing for a 3rd time? Someone introduced me the other day as a "3 Time Cancer Survivor"...I literally made an audible gasp - as if it took my breath away. It was as if I was thinking they were talking about someone else - and I suddenly realized they were talking about me. I prefer at this point to just call myself a Survivor - having to relive the past 3 years and the ups and downs...the "thinking" I was cancer -free, NED (no evidence of disease) and then to realize it was back. If I think about it too much - it's as if my heart breaks all over again. I just don't know how I got here...how am I even still standing???

On that note...I think I have officially reached my threshold of tolerance for people who say stupid things. I swear - if you ask me if I have a new summer haircut - why I think I got cancer - if I will be able to have kids after doing all this chemo - if you ask to see my scars - or ask to rub my head - or make a comment about how you thought all cancer patients were skinny (yes that happened - kick a girl while she's down why don't ya!) - I will not be responsible for what might happen to you. I might have to physically harm you! YOU HAVE BEEN WARNED!

The last guy that said "Just decided to shave your head for the summer huh?" I dead-panned looked him in the eye and said "No - I'm dying of cancer". And waited a painful 10 seconds while he awkwardly fumbled to come up with a response. Which he had none. Am I "dying" of cancer? - NO. BUT, I will guess that guy will never ask another bald woman if she shaved her head for the summer. UGHHHH!

So, I have had 9 treatments and have 3 more to go! Our team walks the 3 Day Sept. 16-18th - between my last two chemo's. The more I think about this...the more I think I might have a screw loose. I'm tempted to make a shirt that says - "Fueled By Chemo". Our team has raised over $30,000 so far - and we are on track to raise quite a bit more in the next 2 weeks. It's exciting to see this all come together! Thanks to all of you who have donated! If you would like to support me and my team while we are at camp - you can send cards and write letters to: (must be postmarked by Sept.6th)

3-Day for the Cure
ATTN: Tracy Dart
P.O. Box 22636
Seattle, WA 98122

What are you trying to prove?

2011-08-24T17:50:00.000-07:00

This week someone asked me "What are you trying to prove?"...I must say - it was in the nicest way possible. This friend was referring to me complaining I was tired. She then started rattling off all the stuff I was trying to do, and the fact that I was in the midst of a round of chemo - and the fact that I haven't been sleeping well - and that half the week my bones physically hurt from chemo and the Neulasta shots. Why was I worried about a fundraiser and how I was I going to get all the items I needed for it to the location and who was going to help me carry the boxes? She made me realize for a moment - that I was being ridiculous. What am I trying to prove? Good question.

Fighting cancer isn't like Figure skating at the Olympics...I don't get more points for doing a triple jump instead of a double. I don't need to "WOW" the judges with a crazy flip or lift that could go terribly wrong and end up hurting me more in the long run. You either beat cancer or you don't. Trying to be everything to everyone - and continuing to try and live a "normal" life is VERY difficult and unrealistic. It WILL catch up with you! And no one is or would expect me to take this all on. Apparently the only judge I'm trying to "WOW" is myself. Why do I put these pressures on myself? Another good question. We'll get back to that.

So the other day I realized it had been 3 years and 3 months since my initial cancer diagnoses. Look how far we've come since then? Over 300 blog posts, over 43,000 hits on my blog, 3 more Breast Cancer 3 Day walks under my belt and one more to go in 23 days - over $100,000 raised by our team for Susan G. Komen. It's amazing the impact we've made! Of course, it also makes me look at what my body has been through in those 3 years and 3 months - 4 surgeries - radiation - chemo - neutrapenia - lymphedema - hair loss - etc. etc. etc. And then there is the price tag! But how do you put a price tag on this disease? I'm still here. So whatever the pricetag at the end of the day - it won't ever be "not worth it" as long as I'm here. Right?

So back to my earlier questions "What am I trying to prove?" and "Why do I put these pressures on myself?" ... Well, my only way to explain it is to say that it's a way for me to prove to myself and cancer that cancer isn't taking me down. Just because you try to sneak back into my life just when I was trying to get my life back to normal, just in time to try and ruin my fundraising plans for the 3 Day and to keep me from fighting for a cure...well - you're not gonna do it! You're just NOT! The only thing cancer makes me want to do is spread awareness even more, to build up my team and my donors even MORE. It makes me hold that flag higher than ever - saying CANCER, YOU - my mortal enemy, do not get to take my days away from me. So maybe I put undue pressure on myself...but I will go down kicking and screaming if I have to.
I fight because of photo's like the one below. People like Claudia...she fought, and walked and raised money and she ran out of time. We have to find a cure - SOON! We are losing TOO many friends, family, coworkers, wives, sisters and children.

(displayed on the route of the 2010 Seattle 3 Day Walk)

Thanks to so many of you - who fight for me every day! Many of you have very broad shoulders - in which I lean on so often.  Thank you for taking up the this fight with me - battling with me - and never giving up on the idea that I will one day be okay - and one day we WILL find a cure for Cancer!!!

If you have not yet donated to TEAM TRACY who will be walking in just 23 days from today - please think about donating today!  Each participant must raise $2300 to walk, and some of our teammates are still short of that goal. Please select a teammate who has not yet raised $2300 from the link below and donate today!
DONATE TO TEAM TRACY

Amazing LOVE!

2011-08-18T14:53:00.000-07:00

(Part of Team Tracy raising money for the 3 DAY)

Last Sunday we had a team fundraiser for the Seattle Susan G. Komen 3 Day Walk! It was an amazing day! I always love seeing how new friends are made through our team - people who never met before - become instantly bonded through the spirit of the 3 Day! We ended up raising about $1500. Pretty successful day for TEAM TRACY! Also - I have to add that my teammate and friend, Eleni, has an 11 year old daughter, Yanna (pictured in the photo above on the right) and she had a lemonade stand last week with her friend where they raised $90 - and she donated it this weekend to us! Nothing makes me more happy than when I see young girls learning about Breast Cancer Awareness and realizing the importance at such a young age! She is AMAZING - I fight cancer and I walk for girls like Yanna! What an inspiration!

This Saturday another fundraiser will be happening at the Eagles in West Seattle - check out the facebook invitation HERE !!! Please come out and join us if you are able! We still have several people on our team who have yet to reach their fundraising minimum ($2300) - and we would love for EVERYONE to walk! We have just 4 weeks before we set out on 60 miles together. This is the time to donate if you have not yet!

Here is a LINK to our TEAM page! (Please donate to someone who has raised less than $2300)

So I came across this video the other day, thanks to my friend Julie! What a wonderful song by Martina McBride - and one I think cancer patients in general will relate with for a long time to come. Please watch it - and pass it along to someone who may need to hear it! I absolutely loved it!

Watch the Video HERE!

The latest and greatest update. I am 3/4 of my way through treatment. I have done 8 of my 12 treatments - just 4 more to go! My bloodwork from a couple weeks ago show that my numbers are headed in the right direction...so I'm hoping with these final 4 treatments...we will once again have some good news. I'm still trying desperately to stay positive...although not always easy! I have such a great support system - anyone who has been to one of our 3 Day fundraisers or my benefit - or just watches my facebook page and blog can see that! YOU ALL are nothing short of AMAZING! I always say - my blog was named "TEAM TRACY" for a reason...it is dedicated to all of you...who through your words, your hugs, your meals you prepare, your donations, your prayers...get me through my day. YOU make me pull myself out of bed, brush my teeth, put on some clothes - and try to get through my day...even when I feel horrible!

I have to share a beautiful note I received from a dear supporter of mine...she in her own right is hands down amazing...over the past several years she has raised (on her own) more than $100,000 for the Susan G. Komen 3 Day. I was honored to have met her on the walk in 2009, and she keeps me motivated all year round. Thank YOU Loretta!

"Miss Tracy, you have been on my heart so much today. I saw your beautiful new profile pic and was delighted to see that your dancing eyes express an exuberance for life and love for people. I opened up and read some of your blog. I shared it with another person whom we'd told about you. And I am crying as I write this because I think today I saw your strength through your photo in a way that hasn't struck me this forcefully before. I honestly wonder if I'd ever have the strength and tenacity that you do if I were facing what you are. I want you to know that I love and admire you and am so thankful our lives have touched. I'm thankful that other survivors have you in their corners. I am thankful for the people who have been encouraged to pick up the banner for awareness and walk with you because of you. Their lives will never be the same for having known you. My life is not the same because I know you. And, honestly, we don't know each other all that well, yet you impact my conversations, my will to walk and raise money and to hold the banner of hope high where those who are newly diagnosed can see it and know they're not alone. Thank you, Tracy, for who you're being in the world and the incredible impact you're making. Thank you for touching my life and my heart. Much love, Loretta"

(Rebekah, Tracy and Loretta - Camp Day 2 at the Seattle 3 DAY 2010)

Oh, what a night!!!

2011-08-08T13:51:00.000-07:00

Me, Mike Barbre, Brian Bell and Dave Blank (Photo courtesy of Steve Shay)

The sad fact is that most people never have a party thrown for them - where people from near and far - every corner of your life - come together to celebrate your life...that is until you die. I've always thought it was sad that the things people said at a memorial service and stories shared - weren't shared while the person was still alive, when they could enjoy it. Last night, I was given one of the best gifts I could ever receive - a night full love, encouragement, strength and friendship. Yes, it was a fundraiser to help pay my medical expenses...but beyond the money, it was something beyond words...but I will try...

Imagine bringing the coolest people you know...the ones that you have known since kindergarten, the ones you went on a exchange program to Germany with in highschool, your Godparents who are family in every sense of the word, the bartender from the neighborhood bar, the ex boyfriend, the friend who just had a mastectomy last month, my 3 Day Walk team mates, old co-workers, acquaintances...and a few people I had never met. Throw them under one roof, take a deep breath and see what happens. What happened was glorious. This is what I would love to believe the world should be like EVERY day. Kindness, laughter, hugs, joy, respect, admiration, encouragement.

Thank you to all who attended and gave me a night I will remember for the rest of my life, however long that might be. The gift of being loved by so many people, having them tell me words of encouragement, the hugs (the real ones, where you don't let go for a couple seconds) - will be something that will keep me going through the rest of my treatment, and keep me on the fast track to being well again. As I told the crowd last night, "Thank you for fighting for a friend, thank you for making a statement by coming out in numbers tonight - and telling cancer you're not willing to give up another friend." I mean that from the bottom of my heart!

Well done friends! You AMAZE me with your generosity.
Special Thanks to Lisa Dawson, Nancy McManus, Mike Barbre, Brian Bell, Imelda Dulcich, Sydni Smith, Helen Johnson, Tom Hutyler, Rita Dixson and Trevor Garand (Owners of the Bridge).
Thank you to all the donors for your generous contributions to the raffle.

Click HERE to read coverage and see photos from the West Seattle Herald.

In 45 days, we walk 60 miles for a Cure!

2011-08-02T13:32:00.000-07:00

I started thinking so much about the 3 Day Walk today...mainly because I have team members emailing me questions, and I'm working on our tshirts etc. All the little things you have to think about as we get closer to walking...tentmates, registration deadlines and logistics. I LOVE it! Every single thing about it. It made me think about how sad I would be if I couldn't be there - and ultimately how being there actually is part of my healing process with this disease. Mentally and maybe even physically! I started to write a blog post about all of these feelings - and realized I had already written a blog post last summer that said all of this - and I couldn't say it any better than I already did. So here is a link to that post click HERE!

Army of Angels

2011-07-27T11:21:00.000-07:00

I know I can't be the only one. I know there has to be more of us out there struggling - battling with insurance companies, dickering over deductibles and yearly caps, deciding if you pay for your light bill or pay your insurance premium. It just shouldn't be something we have to think about...unfortunately it is. It is consuming in so many ways. I wish I could just let it go. Everyone keeps reminding me that I need to take care of myself and not let this stuff get to me...or I won't give my body time to heal. I get it...I just can't seem to be able to do it.

I have a really supportive community of friends who are putting on a benefit on August 7th at the Bridge in West Seattle with live music and a raffle. They have put this all together with one goal in mind, and that is to help me with my medical expenses and living expenses, etc. This group I consider angels among us! As tough as it is for me to accept help, I know that I need it. I know that I can only put off some of these bills for so long. I know help is on the way! So I'm indebted - I am grateful - and I hope one day I will be able to return the favor to someone who finds themselves in the same predicament I'm in. My strength lies in my village right now. Somedays I don't know how I going to get through this - and I am reminded of the Army of folks ready to fight for me - to give encouragement when my lake of positivity has run dry.

There are more details about the benefit HERE and how you can donate online if you can't attend!

UPDATES:
So I have made it through my 6th chemo...I am halfway through!!!! I get two weeks off before my next treatment and next week I will be doing bloodwork and scans to see where my numbers are at and make sure we are going in the right direction.

Our 3 Day Walk team is up to 21 members and we have raised nearly $16,000 so far. We still have a ways to go - but it gets more exciting every week as the time grows nearer for us to set out on this journey together. We walk 7 weeks from this coming Friday!

Must love bald heads...

2011-07-20T16:41:00.000-07:00

Chemo #5 is in the books. I spent several hours with a couple of cool women in the chemo-suite...one I had seen last week, and she told me she was going to donate to the 3 Day Walk and she brought a check for $20 with her yesterday. When she gave it to me, my nurse came in and said "Tracy, you never stop fundraising do you?" and the other gal said "she's doing it for all of us". We all sat there (nurse included) with tears welling up in our eyes. It made me think, I have a responsibility to those who have gone before me...I am doing this for all of us. So my fundraising will continue - I still have a chance to make a difference. For those that got their time cut short - I walk for you!

So I had an interesting conversation with a friend the other day - who can NOT understand why I don't have a boyfriend. Apparently she loses sleep over this (she told me as much)...to this I say "Get a Life". I actually did tell her that. In my mind you seriously don't have enough going on in your life if my "love life" is this much of a concern to you. I told her that too. (I call this new "tell it how it is" attitude my chemo alter-ego). But I mean really??? So I gave her my laundry list of reasons why I need a boyfriend right now, like I need to have my finger nails removed with pliers. This didn't stop her...she barely skipped a beat. She thinks I'm closing myself off and putting up walls to protect myself. Hmmmmm. I quickly reminded her, just in case my bald head and port in my chest wasn't enough of a reminder, that I have CAN-CER. Don't know about you...but I think thats a pretty good excuse (for the first time in my life) to be selfish and put up some barriers...and no I really don't want to deal with any additional stress and drama. Again...as if she temporarily was hearing impaired or had a brief stroke, she acted as if she didn't hear me and says "I think you should put your profile on an online dating site". WOW! After ignoring my outburst of "Oh HELL no!"... She then rattled off all the statistics (as if she was on the marketing team for this site) of how many people meet their future wives/husbands online and how it isn't any less safe than meeting a guy in a bar or coffee shop. Yada Yada Yada! I get it. I know several people who have met great guys and gals online. I just don't think it's for me. So as we parted ways, she says "work on writing something clever about what you're looking for in a man for your profile". Clearly she was not taking "NO" for an answer. So to my friend, the joke is on you, I will write something clever and I will post it right here...

"Mid thirties, single, white female seeks a single male who is ready to take a ride on a rollercoaster through a themepark called "Cancerland". I am a survivor of Breast Cancer and currently in the third fight of my life. Must love bald heads, boxing gloves, sleepless nights, moodswings and multiple scars. What I lack in eyebrows I make up for with my smile and a ton of heart - but don't be fooled, poison runs through these veins. You must be someone who is willing to share me with my community and join me in my passion for my cause...and those without strength, and a strong sense of who they are...need not apply. Your biggest mistake will be telling me that "I CAN'T" do something. Some of our dates may consist of time spent in a chemo-suite, me in my yoga pants hooked up to machines and you being surrounded by some of the coolest/toughest people you'll ever meet. I love long walks on the beach (no really I do), but since I train for the 3 Day for the Cure - your idea and my idea of a "long walk" may be different. Be prepared to buy some good shoes and learn everything there is to know about proper socks and blister care. I sing in the car (most of the time on key), I have about 12 lipglosses in my purse at any one time and I may need to be treated in the near future for an addiction to orange tic-tacs. Up for a challenge and willing to get in the boxing ring with me? We can see where this rollercoaster goes."

Okay - so of course I am completely kidding. My friend did get me thinking...what the reality of my situation is...and how on earth I would ever be able to bring someone else into my world. Although I will not be posting this anywhere - except here - for fun...it gave me a good laugh for a few minutes! As single, young survivors - we are in a different boat! It's good to remember that there are places for us to find support with people in our same demographic. A great resource is The Young Survivor Coalition .

Well folks, 5 down and 7 to go! Thanks for all of your support and good juju!

Love don't cost a thing...

2011-07-13T16:55:00.000-07:00

Yesterday was my 4th chemo treatment - just 8 to go. I think the two weeks off between treatments helped, sort of. Gave me a little time to have fun...it also gave me some time to get angry about cancer. Realizing what a difference there is between feeling really horrible - and then feeling good enough to have fun with my friends and family...it just made me a little resentful that this is how I would be spending my summer. I need to get over it...because it is happening whether I like it or not.

Another thing that I started thinking about this week...when people have an obvious disability, or look sick or injured - we tend to give them sympathy, the benefit of the doubt...maybe even a little pity. I know I feel it. Up until I had to shave my head, I could go places where no one knew me and no one had to know that I was sick. Now, no matter where I go...people know something is wrong. Most don't ask (which is fine by me)...some do. But most just look on with sorrow for you.

I started thinking about all the people out there that have been through something traumatic in their lives. Whether it be a death in their family, abuse, rape, an illness, alcoholism and drug addiction...there are a ton of people out there struggling. Trying to pick up the pieces of a broken life. Some hide it better than others, some have positive attitudes and look so "normal" you would never guess that something in their life consumes their every thought - their prayers at night ask for help and guidance - they sometimes feel alone. After I had a friend tell me this week that life isn't fair and I shouldn't have to deal with cancer again...I quite frankly answered, "Everyone has something they deal with - mine happens to be cancer". I get a lot of help, a lot of support - every single day. It made me wonder how many of our other friends need help and some compassion...but we just don't know about it. Then I realized...easiest way to start the trend of love is giving EVERY one compassion, give each person we come in contact with the benefit of the doubt...help those who may not look sick - but just look like they could use a hand.

Three and half years ago, I would have never known that I would be that person that needed help some day. But I have always been a huge believer in paying it forward. Today I am so grateful for those out there paying it forward to me - some of them anonymously. We all have an opportunity each day to make a difference in a life. I hope we all keep our eyes open for those opportunities - and I hope we can be compassionate - not just to those who look sick. Heartbreak hurts and happens for a lot of reasons - and is undetectable by the human eye. Love costs nothing - and we all have some to give!

UPDATE:
I have some friends in West Seattle who have organized a fundraiser...this is one I've been fighting for some time because my focus has always been towards raising money for the Susan G. Komen 3 Day - but I finally told my friends that I was too tired to fight them on it and let them do their thing. The fundraiser will be at the Bridge Restaurant/Lounge in West Seattle on Sunday August 7th at 7pm. The money raised will help to go towards my medical bills and expenses. I have never been comfortable with this idea - but this group of people getting together are amazing and they REALLY want to do it. There will be bands playing and raffle tickets sold for some great prizes. We want this to be a celebration and fun...no sad, gloom and doom. So besides knowing the date and time - I'm not really involved - I just told them to let me know when to show up. I am ridiculously amazed and grateful for this group of people putting this together.

Also if you are in the West Seattle area - go by the new West Seattle Coffee House at 6302 - 35th Ave SW (in front of Hans VW) and say "I Heart Tracy Dart" when you order your coffee and they will donate 25 cents from each coffee sold thru the end of July to our 3 Day Walk Team. Here is some beautiful chalk art they created last week!

Hair courtesy of my Oncologist

2011-06-30T17:51:00.000-07:00

In the fashion world, everything "when in style" tends to be the "new black". But it's interesting...not just because I had to shave my head this week, but because bald seems to be some sort of new phenomenon - I believe it's the "new black". Especially for women. I am starting to see women all over with bald heads. Maybe it's the same thing that happens when you buy a new car and all the sudden you notice a plethora of the same car out on the road...but with my newly shaved head - I suddenly notice bald women all over. On TV, in magazines - walking down the street. I refuse to believe that all of these women are sick. I suppose it's possible - but I have a feeling many of these women are just rocking the bald head! I wish I could say right off the bat that I am comfortable enough in my skin that I just parade around sans hat out in public. If it's anything like last summer - it might take me a week or so to work up the nerve to just go out and own it. Right now, it seems that it's still a bit of a shocker for those that know me...it can take a minute to get used to it...eventually, it will just seem normal again. What happens is you begin to realize that hair just isn't that important and others will realize you're the same person you've always been - with a bonus of having a touch of a swagger. That's right friends...it's "bald swagger" and it's made up of the trifecta of badass, brave as hell and "i dare you to say something" that comes along with cancer and shaving your head. Having to take clippers to your head is liberating and makes you feel like a badass (even just for a moment), until you remember this wasn't really your choice. The brave as hell comes with the fact that, shaving your head - in the grand scheme- is the most physically painless and least exhausting thing us cancer patients go through. We know how to be brave - and if having to walk out in public with a bald head is the only thing we have to endure that day, we consider that an easy day. And then there is the "I dare you to say something" part. I went through this last time, and all I can say, is that some people are just idiots - and therefore they will say the most idiotic things EVER. You have to gain a tough skin, and you have to be ready for the ignorant - stupid things that some people will say to you. You eventually are ready for it - and therefore walk around town with the last third of your swagger saying "I dare you".

So to those of you (not by choice) baldies out there...you're not alone. It does get easier with time...and pretty soon you will be thinking of all the positives. Less $$$ on haircuts & hair products - more counter space without the hairdryer, flat iron, curling iron in the bathroom - never "wishing" you had a ponytail holder - less time in the shower and getting ready in the morning....the list goes on.

UPDATE:
* I am finished with my first round of chemo (3 treatments). I now get a week off (which means 2 weeks between treatments).
* My WBC count was better than what we thought it would be after the first round.
* So far side effects have been contained to hair loss, nausea, tingling hands and feet and hot and cold flashes. So far I haven't had mouth sores, and after my nausea subsides - my appetite seems to come back for a couple days.

THANK YOU's:
Kristina Bakke, Kathy Kelly, the Mediability gals (Jennifer, Michelle & Jodi), West Seattle Produce Co.

Keeping the Dreams Alive...

2011-06-23T12:20:00.000-07:00

Just this past week I heard a fellow cancer patient talk about the day she was diagnosed with cancer - was the day her dreams died. Depressing - yes! Valid - indeed! I've tried my best not to judge other people's ideas and worries concerning cancer. I have said before and will say again, when it comes to these things...no one gives you a manual. Everyone does the best they can...and I will say - the longer this journey continues, the harder it gets to keep a positive attitude. There are far more days when you say, "Enough Already". Kind of like military families who keep sending their loved ones off on tours of duty. At a certain point - some of them must think...okay, we've done our part...we've given...we've sacrificed...we're ready to go back to normal life. These are my thoughts on cancer right now. I'm ready for this to be over - and unfortunately it's going to get harder before it gets better. So I look forward to small victories, and try desperately to keep my head up. I can lose my hair...I refuse to lose my smile.

Do I believe my dreams have died because of cancer...absolutely not! Have my dreams changed? Most certainly. I used to daydream about vacations, my dream car...the dream job! These days I can't travel (atleast on an airplane) anywhere...so I daydream about my weeks off from chemo and the idea of taking a fun day trip or overnight with some friends sounds fantastic. I could care less about a car...I would rather walk somedays because I can breathe fresh air and get my heart rate going...it reminds me I'm still alive. Walking gives you time to smell the flowers along the way and appreciate your surroundings. And as for that dream job...I realize that the most important job I have in my life is to spread awareness about breast cancer and to raise money to make sure myself and so many others, have a chance at a long life. I believe we are SO close to a cure. I know I will see a cure for cancer - maybe even sooner than I think!

Cancer takes so much away from us...I find it sad that you would let it take your dreams too! We may have to change our view and circumstances can change what is important to us...but nothing should ever keep us from dreaming.

TREATMENT UPDATE:
So, I have made it through my first 2 Chemo treatments. I have one more in this first round, and then I get a week off - which means I actually get 2 weeks between appointments. When I mentioned small victories earlier - this is one of them. If I can just get passed my treatment on June 28th, then I don't go back until July 12th. So I look forward to the 4th of July and the West Seattle Street Fair and (fingers crossed) some summer weather. Hoping this gives me just enough of a reprieve, that I can muster up enough strength for the next 3 treatments. I am taking this one round at a time! My hair is most likely going to start falling out by the end of this week...I will post some new baldy photos when I decide to bite the bullet and shave it!

TEAM TRACY 3 DAY WALK UPDATE:
We have 18 team members (17 women and 1 brave man)
We have raised over $10,000 so far
We have several fundraisers in the works over the summer
We have new Team Tracy wristbands for sale for $5. (tshirts to come in the coming weeks)
and YES...I still plan to walk (even if it's only a couple miles a day).

My Thank You list continues to grow by the day...I am certain I will miss a couple people...but I have to thank my Grandma Dart, Aunt Kathy and Uncle Ray, Mom & Dad, Jennifer Witsoe, Trudy Mueller, Jill Hubbs, Julie & Mike, Chris Shoemaker, Michelle & Jodi ... and thank you to the dozens of people who have sent cards and well wishes.

Keeping the Dreams Alive!!!
- Tracy

Band wagon is forming...get ready to JUMP!

2011-06-06T16:43:00.000-07:00

These past couple of weeks have been absolutely nuts. Emotionally taxing, a whirlwind of doctors appointments, trying to recover from my surgery and *trying* (pretty unsuccessfully) not to let cancer seep into every nook and cranny of my life. The word "normal" is one I just have to forget about - there is no normal, I haven't had normal for over 3 years...so for the time being, I try to wake up and just keep going. Each day, I have a few goals...

#1. Make it through the day without having an emotional breakdown in public.
#2. Try to keep a brave face whenever possible - and when it's not possible, giving myself the right to tell people "that I'm just not able to talk about it right now."
#3. Embrace the love people want to give me! If only you could hug cancer out of your body.
#4. Finding something to laugh about every day - even if it's laughing at cancer.
#5. Reminding myself that it could ALWAYS be worse, I am blessed and I will be okay!

After all of that, I have been spending a lot of time researching drugs and trying to understand where I'm going from here...and how to fight this disease (again!). It is mind boggling and I feel like I should be given some sort of honorary medical degree after all of this.

So the nitty gritty is this, I am starting chemo again. I was supposed to start this week, but because I am currently battling a cold - it may not be until next week. I go in this week to do some tests and make sure heart and all my organs are working properly and can handle another go with chemotherapy. I will also be getting a shot of Neulasta to help build my white blood cell count. and then (if all looks good) I will start a chemo called Adriamycin (lovingly known as "Red Death") next week. I will be doing a total of 12 doses over 4 months. So it is going to be a haul...absolutely no fun, and I am in no way looking forward to it.

BUT, I am convinced that I can make it through like I've done before. Positive talk and vibes is what I need right now - no negative nelly's out there. And if the support I have received so far has been any indication of what is to come - I will have an army of people ready to keep me going - if I EVER feel like giving up. So if you haven't already jumped on the TEAM TRACY bandwagon...get ready...cause you may see it rolling by REAL soon!

I have to thank my friends out there who have offered to help with grocery shopping, rides and meals - my family who has offered to help with expenses over the next few months - and my West Seattle family of friends who have absolutely gone above and beyond showing (literal) signs of support for me all over town (see below)! Someone started a Facebook page where all of these signs have been posted - amazing!!!! Check it out at We (Heart) Tracy Dart on Facebook!

I really have no other words except THANK YOU! I truly don't know what else to say...it is overwhelming and I am forever grateful.

PS. I want to send out healing prayers for other friends going through some pretty tough cancer stuff right now - my friends Mary, Megan, Nikki, Paul and Ed.

THANK YOU!

2011-05-24T13:47:00.000-07:00

Thank you to all of people out there sending me healing wishes and sending up prayers for my latest surgery and recovery. I am still VERY sore - this surgery is definitely *on the pain scale* the worst I've experienced. But from what I've heard from others who have done the same surgery - it's pretty rough...and I will probably be sore for a bit. At my doctors appointment yesterday, my surgeon thought my incision was healing nicely and assured me that the sore muscles and pain I am feeling is normal and will take some time. ughhhhhh! I am meeting with a oncologist from UW Medicine tomorrow to see what he thinks would be my next steps for treatment - a 2nd opinion of sorts.

I have to say a huge thank you to the 5th Graders from Hope Lutheran School who sent me a huge envelope full of handmade cards/notes and pictures - wishing me a speedy recovery. What a treat! They are so good to me. What a special group of kids!

Northwest Hope & Healing Fashion Show 2011

2011-05-19T15:41:00.000-07:00

Last week, in the midst of all the craziness in my life...I was a part of the Northwest Hope & Healing Fashion Show "Style '11". I was asked to be one of the many Survivor Models who modeled fashions from boutiques all around Seattle. What an amazing night it was! I was so happy to be a part of something that raised money to help newly diagnosed Breast Cancer patients - and I was able to spend a whole day with some amazingly strong - vibrant - courageous women.

The speech made by the husband of a survivor was given just before they asked for donations, and I was privileged enough to stand next to Jake on stage as he delivered this heartfelt, eloquent speech. Click HERE to see his speech!

I also got a little press from two different sources in West Seattle. Both the West Seattle Herald and the West Seattle Blog came out and interviewed me for articles about the event. Click on their links above to see those articles.

Also, many thanks to the friends that came out to support me and that donated VERY generously to Northwest Hope & Healing.

CANCER SUCKS!

2011-05-17T14:04:00.000-07:00

Most of you following this blog know that when some time passes without me posting - I either have a horrid case of writers block - OR - I am dealing with some health issues. Well this time it is a little bit of writers block and a pretty huge sock in the face with health issues. Cancer cells were found in my lymphnodes this past week, so I will be having surgery to remove a section of 12 total lymphnodes. Because these lymphnodes are right under my right armpit - my arm will be in a sling for about a week while it heals (so no highfives and only left handed hugs for now). Needless to say I am completely - well lets be honest here - PISSED! And the interesting, ironic and somewhat annoying part about the whole thing is that this week marks my 3 year "Cancer"-versary. Three years ago this week I got my first Breast Cancer diagnosis. A year ago this week I was in the midst of some hardcore chemotherapy treatments - so gnarly that my friend and fellow survivor calls this form of chemo "RED DEATH". (Oh yeah, It's just THAT good.) So needless to say...but I will...I am ANGRY! CANCER SUCKS!!!! And for the love of all that's good and holy, could I have some hair for a summer? I mean - really.

With that said, I'm sure you all have a ton of questions...you're welcome to ask me...I may or may not have an answer for them. My first stop is surgery...after that, some pretty difficult decisions will need to be made over the next couple of weeks. (FYI - I'm sure many of you will have opinions about those decisions and what I should be doing. I ask you to keep those opinions to yourself.) I am seeking a 2nd opinion from an oncologist at UW Medicine who will get a fresh perspective on my case and work along with my oncologist to find the best possible solution. I continue to believe that I am getting the best possible treatment and care and I completely trust and have faith in my doctors...so at this point their opinions are the ones that I will be clinging to. I am prepared to aggressively fight the hell outta this disease - whatever that entails.

So, I'm tightening up my chinstrap and heading back in to the ring! Time to "KO" Cancer!

P.S.
I apologize to those of you I have seen in the past couple of days and did not mention this to. I have been waiting until I had every possible ounce of information I could before I made this public.

Taking ME out of MEAN - Who's with ME?

2011-05-03T15:55:00.000-07:00

"There is a special place in hell for women who don't help other women."

-Madeline Albright

I may have posted this quote on my blog before, but it is one I love - and I feel like all of us ladies need to be reminded of it every now and again. I have been so blessed to have met some of the coolest, strongest, successful, talented women. I've also had my run-ins with some women who weren't so nice. One such situation happened just recently - and it startled me. I was caught off guard that someone would so quickly judge me - without knowing one single thing about me. I immediately reverted into the shy, chubby little girl who had plenty of people tease me as a kid. I felt years of hurt feelings come boiling up and it took me a second to get 36 year old Tracy to resurface. So my question is this....Why as women do we feel the need to compete with eachother, make judgements, make someone feel bad about themselves only to try to make ourselves look better...this stuff stinks! It stunk in junior high...it stunk in high school...and I'll tell you what...it stinks at 36! We are too old to be acting this way! We are better than that - and we owe it to eachother to stop the cycle.

How about all of us try to be the best versions of ourselves every day. Put your best foot forward - encourage your female counterparts (whether they be at work, school, socially) to do the same, and I am pretty certain you'll see some changes happen. We should be able to come to eachother for advise, for support, for someone who can keep a secret - maybe even just a hug or a pat on the back. If we try to be positive, authentic, strong, supporters of eachother - how much easier, less stressful would our lives become. No one wants to be left out, no one wants to be talked about behind their back, no one wants to feel like they don't fit in. It hurts and it sucks!

So I challenge you all - especially my girls out there - give a smile to another woman instead of looking her up and down - ask someone sitting by themselves to join you and your friends at your table - give a compliment to someone you think might need it! You may make someone's day - or even a new friend! The more of us that take the "ME" out of MEAN - the less power we give to those that feel the need to mean! Who's with ME?

One star brighter...

2011-04-26T14:44:00.000-07:00

Last Friday I received the news that my friend Darlene passed away. (I wrote about her in a blog post last month). She had been moved from the hospital to hospice early last week, so we all knew that her time was limited. It still didn't take the sting away when I received the email from her best friend, letting us all know that she had passed that morning peacefully in her sleep. She had written a letter to a group of us that all met a couple months ago at a seminar, all Survivors (dubbed the Survivor Seven) - and asked that her friend send it to us after she had passed. Even in dying she remained classy, inspiring - and was even able to make me laugh. I am so grateful that our paths crossed. Here is a part of the letter she shared with us...it makes me cry, but I thought the message she sent to us - is a message each of us could hear.

To the most amazing group of kick-ass, warrior women and courageous fighters: The Survivor Seven
(well now Six)

As you know by now, I'm gone. I went down scratching and clawing, but sometimes you just have to wave the white flag. I fought for that extra year and a half of my life that no one thought I would have and boy am I glad I did because it brought me to all of you. Life can be tricky, silver linings and all. I mean cancer is really messed up, but it can bring together some beautiful things - like all of us.

Beautiful women, there is a reason you have been spared. Don't let a day go by thinking what could have been. Don't ask why me? Don't worry yourself sick. Don't wonder what might happen in the future. BE FABULOUS. BE INSPIRING. Continue to shine your light out in the community. Focus on life and actually living it. Don't let cancer scare you away from dreaming - for planning your future - from making those "someday" aspirations happen - TODAY. I believe in you. I always will. On days when you need a little extra light - look to the stars and I will be shining bigger and brighter for you.

Oh, and remember to always eat dessert, and save a bite for me.

The sky from now on will be one star brighter.

Fundraising Challenge

2011-04-20T15:46:00.000-07:00

Today I received an email from the lovely folks from Susan G. Komen 3 Day for the Cure. They are starting a fundraising challenge today...it runs for two weeks, till May 4th. The first 50 people to raise $585.00 will receive a pink ribbon iPod touch, specially made for 3 Day Walkers. The $585.00 is in addition to money already raised up until this point. The reason they chose $585.00, is because the average 3 Day Walker will walk 585 miles between training and the actual event! Isn't that AMAZING??? So far I am up to about $185 today. If you have been thinking about supporting me in the 3 DAY, this would be a great time to donate. Click HERE to check out my donation page. And if you need a little inspiration - or wonder why we walk...watch this video...

and THANK YOU!!!! Team Tracy (thats you) has been incredibly supportive of me. This will be my 5th Walk in 6 years. You are making a difference!!!

Happily Ever After (Cancer)

2011-04-18T16:36:00.000-07:00

Life sure can take you on an unlikely path. People are brought in and out of your life...jobs come and go...life altering events happen. The more we try to forge ahead on the path we would like to travel - the more likely we will get a swift kick from the Universe saying "not so fast missy".

The life I imagined for myself back when I was 18, 25...even 30, is not only far from reality, it is far from anything I would want at this moment. I remember thinking that one day I would get married in the biggest, fluffiest, princess white dress I could find and I would want a diamond (the bigger the better) - but only if it was a square shaped diamond. I would have 8 bridesmaids and 2 flower girls...I would definitely take my husbands last name and it would need to be 2 or 3 syllables. I would stay home with our 2 children, which I had already named (said husband would have no choice in this matter), and I would bake and scrapbook and would probably volunteer at their school and drive a Volvo station wagon. Controlling much? Whoa!

So here I am...36 years old. And that life I just mentioned above makes my skin crawl. Instead, I am a single girl - living on my own, someone who has made a name for herself and has a hard time ever believing I could or would give up my last name. I've survived breast cancer - twice, but I've also lost many friends and acquaintances to the same disease. I have thought about dying more than I care to admit - and have avoided funerals because there are times I have felt guilty for surviving. (wow...first time I've admitted that in public). I am more interested in finding someone to spend my life with who has character and integrity, someone who knows what "in sickness and in health" really means - and I've realized that a piece of paper doesn't validate your love and respect. I've learned that family isn't always conventional and a common blood line isn't necessary. The scrapbooks I have are full of cards and letters sent to me while I went through treatment - telling me to never give up and to fight like hell. I have met some of the strongest women out there.

So this life, my reality, it has veered severely from the path I thought I was destined for. But - I can't imagine a life other than the one I have now. Would I have ever known what I was capable of??? Would I have ever realized how strong I could be? Would I be able to roll with the punches and take on whatever life handed me? I guess the beauty and mystery of it all, is that I will never know. My new "happily ever after" is "happily ever after (cancer)". I believe my fairy tale is just getting started...and we're about to get to the good part.

1 in 8...start looking around, Breast Cancer is often closer than you think!

2011-04-11T12:48:00.000-07:00

First of all, thank you so much to all of you who were praying with me and for me while I went through my latest tests and waited for results. Those are the times when you can let this disease consume you - and when you can start feeling like there may never be a time again when cancer doesn't control every thought in your head. I don't suggest it...the cancer or the waiting. There are much better ways to use your time. BUT...everything finally came back clear and my numbers fell within guidelines my doctor felt comfortable with...so two weeks of stress and uncertainity...all for not. But, if nothing else...whenever I hit a rough patch - I am reminded of the love and support I have from my friends, family and even strangers all over the country (and world, for that matter). I am blessed...and being reminded of that is something I can not complain about it!

In the midst of this, I found out that a friend is in the beginning stages of her battle with Breast Cancer. Because she hasn't told her family and friends yet, I won't go into details, but she contacted me for advice. In the midst of my own scare, I found myself trying to ease her fears and give her strength. In my focusing on her situation, I found myself with a renewed sense of courage and determination. Whatever was to come of those tests, I would deal with it! I would fight! Afterall, how could I tell my friend to fight like hell, if I wasn't willing to do the same.

Statistics say that 1 in 8 women will get breast cancer in their lifetime. Start looking around...I'm guessing you know more than 8 women. And I'm guessing I'm not the only person you've known that has had breast cancer. These are our sisters, our mothers, grandmothers, aunts, cousins, co-workers, friends...this disease could be closer than you think. How do we stop Breast Cancer from taking more people from us? Early detection. Catching breast cancer in it's earliest stages gives you a much higher percentage of survival. What does this mean? Self Breast Exams - Mammograms - Listen to your body.
Click HERE for more information on how to do a Self Breast Exam.

How do you get involved in the fight against Breast Cancer? There are so many ways. Whether you start small or you go for the gusto right off the bat...do something...anything!

1. Be an advocate. Talk to the women in your life about being proactive - ask the women in your life to take the Mammogram Promise .
2. Participate in fundraising and walk or run in events like Relay For Life benefiting the American Cancer Society or Race for the Cure benefiting Susan G. Komen for the Cure...and of course you could be a part of Team Tracy and walk the most amazing 60 miles of your life in the 3 Day for the Cure.
3. You can support me as a "Survivor Model" as I hit the catwalk for the Northwest Hope & Healing 2011 Fashion Show on May12th, 2011. To buy tickets to this event click HERE.
4. You can donate to the 3 Day walk and help me reach my goal of raising $5000. Support Tracy HERE!

Getting involved might be easier than you think. Supporting the Breast Cancer community can be fun...and trust me, it's more than a pink ribbon! Want more information or help in getting involved...send me a message.

Quick Update...

2011-04-01T18:59:00.000-07:00

just a quick update from my phone...so excuse the lack of caps and punctuation...just got great news from my doctor this afternoon that my test results came back clear. so after two weeks of stress and thinking my cancer might be back...i got the all clear. just in time for the weekend...and i promise...this is no april fools joke. thank you all for your thoughts and prayers and general kick ass attitude...team tracy always brings the big guns when it comes to support. i will share more details when i get on my computer this weekend. in the meantime...collective sigh of relief for all and big hugs to all of you. xoxo.

Just when I was getting comfortable...

2011-03-22T18:33:00.000-07:00

Funny how it's always about the time that I start waking up every morning and the first thing I think about "isn't" cancer - that I get a wake-up call. In this case, a call from my oncologist - telling me that my latest blood work came back with elevated numbers. REALLY???? **insert expletives here**

They ran my bloodwork again, just to be sure - and they came back with the same results...now on to further poking and prodding. This will likely commence by the end of the week - and I will know more early next week. In the meantime, I appreciate all of your good juju and thoughts coming my way. I am desperately trying to hold on to a positive attitude and not get ahead of myself...but seeing how I've been here before...sometimes it's hard to hold on to the bright side. TEAM TRACY (that's all of you reading this right now)...always help point me in the direction of the "bright side"!

Will update when I know more...

"Smile till it hurts...Laugh until you pee!'

2011-03-09T17:05:00.000-08:00

I chatted the other day with a 40 year old woman who is living with Stage 4 breast cancer. Her doctors had given her about 6 months to live - and that was 21 months ago. She had done everything she needed to do...she updated her Will with her attorney, she had put money away for her final expenses, she talked with her family and took a cruise with 20 of her closest friends. She said she compared it to Oprah's Farewell Season. If she was going out - she was going out with a bang. She even celebrated her 40th Birthday at 39 1/2, knowing she probably wouldn't make it to 40. Alas, her "real" 40th birthday rolled around - she was still kickin - and she celebrated again.

This woman was so unbelievably courageous, beautiful and oozed love and kindness. I felt myself hanging on to her every word - her every move - and deep down wondered if I could ever (if I was in her position) handle myself with such genuine grace. We began discussing whether or not it's beneficial to know that you're going to die. I guess we all pray that we live a long life - that today isn't our last day - and we have years ahead to make something of ourselves, right some wrongs, be the people we "thought" we would be when we "grow up". But knowing that your time is limited... would this change the way you treated people - the way you make your daily life decisions - would it make you rethink how much you sweat the small stuff? We're all going to die one day - it's just that most of us don't know when. Even my friend, although she talks about living on borrowed time, has no idea what week, month or year - might be her last. Instead of cursing Breast Cancer - she celebrates her new perspective - she appreciates the here and now. Through her eloquent words and her fearless attitude - she encouraged me to continue an attitude of gratitude. Her words of wisdom that she sent me in an email... "Embrace those you love often - release grudges and conflict swiftly - smile till it hurts and laugh until you pee!"

The 3 Day (unofficial) Code of Ethics...

2011-03-02T17:26:00.000-08:00

I just received an email from a gal that asked if I would mind if she joined our 3 Day Walk Team. I've never met her - she just found my name online. My first thought "AWESOME" - a new friend. I think I wrote her for 30 minutes telling her how much she will enjoy this experience! It made me start thinking about the Spirit of the 3 Day - and how I wish the way people treated eachother for 3 days on the 3 Day Walk - is how people treated eachother every day. I believe that those of us who have done this walk before - do try to live by the 3 Day Code of Ethics all year round. But sometimes, especially in the winter when we are grumpy and we haven't been marinated in all things pink and 3 Day related for awhile, we need a little reminder. Here is my idea of the 3 Day Code of Ethics...

The 3 Day (unofficial) Code of Ethics:

#1. We welcome everyone. (strangers are just new friends you haven't met yet)
#2. We accept and embrace our differences. (we can all learn from eachother)
#3. We share. (whether it be snacks, moleskin, your table at dinner, your story, your journey)
#4. We watch out for eachother. (we see someone struggling on the route, we ask if they are ok and wait with them - "no man left behind" mentality)
#5. We never forget our goals. (To reach our fundraising minimum - to walk into closing ceremonies - A World without Breast Cancer - and to always have FUN!)

Official Komen 3-Day Online Ambassador

2011-03-01T12:04:00.000-08:00

This past month the Susan G. Komen 3 Day for the Cure PR Department sent out a request for past walkers to apply to be 3 Day for the Cure Ambassadors. So of course, I filled out the application and sent it off. Well last week I was notified that I would be a 3 Day Ambassador for Seattle. To be honest, whether they chose me or not - I find that I write about the 3 day walk ALL THE TIME! So it wasn't going to change my mission much...I facebook, tweet and blog about the 3 Day so much I'm guessing my friends and family are incredibly sick of me. But it's those folks that I've reached - who are hearing this all for the first time, they are the ones that keep me going.

This week I was so thrilled to see that TEAM TRACY already has 11 team members. Two of these women I have never met. But when it comes to the 3 day - whether you start off knowing eachother or not - it doesn't really seem to matter. When you walk 60 Miles for a common cause - you become family! So we are on our way to having our largest team yet. My goal is to have 20 walkers by September - and Komen is making it awfully easy to recruit since they have extended the discount code for registration once again...until the end of March, you can use discount code "SAVE25" and your registration is only $65 instead of $90. If you'd like to join our Team... Click HERE!

This year, my motto has been "Life begins at 60 (miles)!" I tell people contemplating doing the 3 day walk, that it's 60 Miles that will change your life. That may sound dramatic...but I believe that you can't participate in an event like this without it changing the way you look at life forever. 3 days and 60 miles of pure love - and seeing the world through a new, refreshed pair of eyes.

If you have questions about the 3 day - would like to join the team - would like to DONATE - feel free to contact me at tracydart@hotmail.com or ask questions in the comments section of this blog!

EVERYONE DESERVES A LIFETIME!

Grateful for Cancer?

2011-02-25T01:12:00.000-08:00

I hear this sometimes...cancer survivors saying they are grateful that they got cancer. How is this possible? I hate cancer - I'm not sure there is anything in my life that I've hated more. I am grateful for many things in my life - but lets be clear - cancer, you are not one of them.

Nearly three years ago, I thought my life as I knew it was over...and interestingly it was...just not in the way I thought it was. My life would never be the same - but I would be alive. So because of that, I have become grateful for many things...here are just a few:

I'm grateful for the support system that has surrounded me since the day I was diagnosed (and re-diagnosed), for the friends I've met through the breast cancer community (in Seattle and worldwide). I'm grateful that you didn't let me give up...and you believed in my survival on days when I didn't.

I'm grateful for finding strength, mentally and physically, that I never knew I had. I found out what I was made of...and I would've never believed that when looking a mortal enemy in the face, I would hold my own.

I'm grateful for the story I've been given...the one I can share with the world. For the voice I've been given that will speak for me - but also for those who have gone before us, for those too tired from treatment to speak up, for those who still find their own story so unimaginable - they can't share it.

So, I will never be grateful for cancer. It tried to kill me afterall - TWICE! But I will continue to look at my life and it's abundance of blessings, with much humility and gratitude. The road that brought me here was not without pitfalls and pain - it's course was not easy nor glamorous...but it gave me purpose.

Thank You Imelda!

2011-02-07T15:32:00.000-08:00

My new friend Imelda Dulcich, who I met through Twitter, wrote this article about me and about my efforts in raising money for the Breast Cancer 3 Day Walk...check out her blog!!!!

Honesty vs. Oversharing

2011-01-31T19:19:00.000-08:00

I met up with a gal the other day who was interviewing me for an article about Breast Cancer. She and I met through my Twitter account "TeamTracyWalks" - she lost her sister to Breast Cancer, so this is a cause near and dear to her heart. Anyhow - we met up for coffee and ended up talking for 2 hours. She was one of those people you meet, and feel like you've known forever. I found myself opening up to her and maybe oversharing. Which brought me to this thought...when is it being "honest" and when is it "oversharing"? Alot of people ask to hear my story. Sometimes I feel like the story is getting a little old - a little stale in my mind. I guess living through it - and telling it so many times - it loses it's luster in my mind. But while telling my story on Thursday and answering my new friends questions - I heard words coming out of my mouth that I had never heard before. They were all true - all part of the story - but they were a little more honest than I had shared before. For instance, she asked what my first thought was when I was told I was going to start chemotherapy...I believe my exact words were..."Crap, I can't be fat and bald". Sounds a little vain. But it was honest. That is what I thought. When you get married - you have months to lose weight and start working out so you can parade around in front of all of your friends and family. No one taps you on the shoulder 8 months before you get a cancer diagnosis and says, "Excuse me, I would think twice about dipping those fries in Ranch dressing - and maybe you can skip the dessert menu, because in a few months you're going to get cancer and your hair is going to fall out." I could deal with being chubby if I had hair...but come on...chubby and bald. Tragic! This is what I thought...

Then came this past week when - not only was there a HUGE misunderstanding/rumor running around that I was pregnant (HORRIFIED). This came about due to my sister and I joking around on my Facebook page...but wouldn't you know - that spread like wild fire. For the record...I am NOT pregnant. Super happy that people think that my life is that exciting - but it's not. Pair this with the fact that I have never been sure whether I wanted children - and the realization (and the confirmation from my doctors) that after all my body has been through over the past 3 years...it is unlikely to ever happen. Anyhow - I had someone say to me that they had heard I was pregnant - and I said "Oh No, I don't think that is in the cards for me". This person proceeded to tell me why A) it's not too late B) I may still find the man of my dreams and... the kicker....C) that I should pray about it. WHOA WHOA WHOA!!!!!! I find myself telling this person - who is not more than an acquaintance - more information than I have even shared with some of my best friends and family. All the sudden I went into uber defense mode...and was possibly having an outer body experience - because all the sudden I heard myself talking about how "Family is what you make it - and it doesn't have to be traditional - and just because I don't share the same genes or blood - doesn't mean people can't have families"...I went into this complete tyraid about "Non-Traditional, Modern Families". Anyhow...I walked away thinking - "What the hell was that all about?" and I am pretty certain I gave that person a little more than they bargained for. Oversharing at it's finest. Although - the more I thought about it...if people ask you incredibly personal questions - and decide to get you unsolicited advice...they need to be prepared for what they get back in return.

So this week, I need to work on "Honesty vs. Oversharing". I think it's okay to be honest - and especially when it comes to cancer...when sharing your story with other cancer patients and survivors, it's good to let them know that sometimes we think silly thoughts, vain thoughts - thoughts most people would be shocked at...but it's okay!

"I'm still Alive"

2011-01-16T08:55:00.000-08:00

Do you ever wake up one morning and take stock of your life and wonder how the heck you got there? You'd think with the kind of life I've had for the past 2 1/2 years - nothing would shock me. There's something to be said for being told you have cancer when you're 33. It makes the rest of your life pretty much shock-proof. It's an interesting lesson to learn so soon in life. Not that 33 is that young - but the average Joe - usually gets a few more years under their belt before they a traumatized in that fashion. So now, someone tells me they are getting divorced or that their boyfriend cheated on them - or that they've decided to sell their home and move to Grand Cayman...doesn't usually get the jaw-dropping effect out of me that some would hope. But I found myself this week all the sudden, looking around...literally...in my apartment and thinking - "how did I get here?" How can I still love my life after all of this...how do I find a way to smile and laugh every day. Where do I get off thinking that anything is possible in this life? Is it because of cancer that I have decided that no problem is too big - no obstacle is too high for me to scale - no one can steal my thunder...and no one can tell me I can't do it! Have I beaten cancer and decided with that little badge of honor...now the world is there for me to conquer as well.

Some exciting things are coming up on the horizon for me. Some that make me nervous, some that make me excited and even one that makes my stomach do that butterfly flip thingy. I guess along with being pretty much unshockable these days - I am also becoming the person I always wanted to be...the one who takes chances...goes after what she wants - and believes there is a reason my life has been spared. I'm headed towards that place where some sense will be made of my life! So even though I wake up wondering how I got here...I also wake up with the opening guitar solo of Pearl Jam's "Alive" running through my head. Let those feet hit the ground with me humming "I ohhhhhh, I'm still Alive".

Thank You from the 3 Day!

2010-11-24T10:28:00.000-08:00

I am so thankful for all the people who have walked with me past & present. I realized today that in the 4 years that I have participated - our teams have raised over $115,000. We are making a difference in this fight! Here is a video from the folks at Susan G. Komen 3 Day for the Cure.

What I've been up to...

2010-11-18T14:02:00.000-08:00

Gosh, I feel like it's been forever since I've sat down and really done an update about me (not fundraising or 3 Day walk related). Figured it was time to update you all on the latest going on! I think one of the reasons I haven't been writing as much here - is because I have been writing (and getting paid for it) for a couple different companies. I have been working on a couple ongoing projects for a property management company. They have several new properties they are building in the Seattle area, and I have been writing copy for their websites. I have really enjoyed that - and they are great people to work with! I also have been writing some radio scripts, web promotions and working on a few smaller projects for my friend Jennifer & Michelle's company, Mediability. In addition, I have had a few opportunities to do some "Guest Blogging" as well as help with some fundraising appeals and outreach for some non-profit organizations. It's been a whirlwind - but a lot of fun to branch out and find my voice (which is actually not a voice at all - but written words).

In health news, I have had 4 months of clear bloodwork with no evidence of disease (NED). This is obviously GREAT news, but I continue to be cautiously optimistic. I went 8 months last time with clean bloodwork, before my cancer returned. So although I want to be positive and believe this nightmare is over - I also don't want to be blindsided or unrealistic. I guess I just take every day, week, month at a time.

With that said, I have continued to be a part of a Young Survivors group and have participated in a few seminars and classes. I believe this will continue to be a journey...even being healthy - there are still remnants of treatment side effects and emotional side effects that seem to haunt me. Most recently I had the discussion that at a certain point you have to mourn the loss of the life you had before cancer. I realized I was having moments of being sad and angry that my life had been turned upside down...as much as I truly believe I have had some of the best experiences of my life over the past couple years...I also miss the life I had before - sometimes I can't even remember what it was like. And considering that I had 33 years in this body before cancer - it's shocking that I remember little else than the turmoil it's been in for the past 2 1/2 years. Anyhow - these are all the things that in addition to the normal lingering side effects of chemo and radiation - rattle around in my brain.

My hair is growing back...it seems every week I have to discover new ways of styling it! The longer it gets - the more I have to figure out ways to wrangle it in. I have always had thick hair (minus the chemo days)...but now it has grown back with some curl and I have learned I just have to go with it while it grows. Like many things in my life - I have had to give up control of my hair.

So that's the latest folks! More to come soon...until then...feel your boobies and get your mammograms!

Pink Warrior

2010-11-10T17:25:00.000-08:00

I found this video on YouTube this week from the 2010 Seattle 3 Day Walk. This is from Closing Ceremonies - and I am on the stage in the sea of pink - dancing with all of my fellow survivors. Every time I watch this it is such a reminder of what a great weekend and day that was! Candy Coburn sang her song Pink Warrior - which is such an anthem for all of us Survivors.

Drink for Pink was a great success!

2010-10-29T14:54:00.000-07:00

Thanks to all the West Seattle "Tweeters" who attended the Drink for Pink "Tweet" Up at Endolyne Joe's.

Many thanks to all who attended our Drink for Pink fundraiser last night! We raised about $250 for Team Tracy - a great way to kick off fundraising for the 2011 Susan G. Komen 3 Day for the Cure. The local news paper came out and took this photo above (Thank You Pat Robinson from the West Seattle Herald). He posted an online story this morning on their website. Click HERE to read it!

Fundraising for the 3 Day Walk in 2011 starts this week!!!!

2010-10-27T15:34:00.000-07:00

To Donate Online or buy Raffle tickets online click HERE!

Guest Blogging...

2010-10-23T23:31:00.000-07:00

During the month of October, you may have seen commercials on TV (mainly King 5) from Seattle Cancer Care Alliance talking about making a Mammogram Promise. Well they have a Mammogram Promise website and a blog...and they asked me to be a guest blogger for the Mammogram Promise Blog. Check out the entry I wrote for them, and be sure to make your "Promise".

Click here to go to the website:
Mammogram Promise Blog

I got to be a Problem Solver...who'd of thought!?!

2010-10-21T17:01:00.000-07:00

A couple of weeks ago I was interviewed for "Problem Solvers" on KOMO NEWS 4 in Seattle. Talking about something called "Pink Washing" in the month of October - basically all the items that go pink in October with proceeds going to Breast Cancer Research.

Connie Thompson came to my apartment and interviewed me for about an hour...this short clip is what ended up on the 6pm news that night.

Forgot to add it then - but thought since it is still Breast Cancer Awareness Month - I would share it now.

Click HERE to view the video.

The 3 Day Continued: Day 2 & 3

2010-10-21T00:52:00.000-07:00

As promised, here is more of a rundown of my 3 day experience....

DAY 2
We woke up at 5am, it was dark but clear and we were told the weather was going to be great for our Saturday walk around Everett. I met up with Jennifer, Trudy and Desiree for breakfast...along with my friend, Patrice who was on the crew. We chatted about how we all slept - needless to say, none of us slept great. Sleeping on the ground in a sleeping bag, with aches and pains from the day before, can make you pretty stiff - thus a lot of tossing and turning. PLUS, after spending a day drinking water and sports drinks ALL DAY - this means pee'ing ALL night. So up and out of a 2 man tent several times in the night is annoying and comical all at the same time. I had been SO cold the night before...and I had forgot to bring a knit hat to wear to bed...so I spent much of the night trying to pull my sleeping bag up over my head. Brrr!

After breakfast, we prepared for the days walk. Jennifer's knees were in pretty bad shape from Day 1, so I told her I would hang back with her and walk as slow or far as she could go. We headed out on the route and I let her set the pace. We made it a few miles and she was in major pain...we decided to grab a sweep vehicle to the first pit stop. We met up with Mary, Trudy and Desiree there and re - applied mole skin, filled water bottles and off we were again. Jenn and I continued onto Pit stop 2 and ran into Michelle - her mom and her friend Dottie (a fellow Breast Cancer Survivor) were there with homemade snicker doodles for the team! Awesome! We tredged on to the 2 block long cheering station in Everett...a church made a huge balloon arch and had tables and tables of cookies, snacks, veggies and prayer station...the sign was cute "You rest, we'll pray!". Pretty cool!

We got to lunch in Everett a beautiful park overlooking the water. We saw most of the team eithering coming or leaving lunch. Some people were nursing some pretty nasty blisters but were chugging onward. We were excited to see some friends and family at the "Team Tracy" cheering station in downtown Everett. They had been handing out coffee, cookies and candy to the steady stream of walkers all day! It was a welcomed site - and so many of our fellow walkers mentioned how much they appreciated our loyal supporters. By then, several of us were ready to call it quits for the day, so we got swept back to camp.

Arriving at my tent I found a gift inside my tent from my friend Patrice. She had left me a card and knitted "boobie" hat...she said that after I had mentioned my head had been cold, she wanted me to have it. SO SWEET! The rest of the night was filled with showers, food, a concert by Candy Coburn and a dance party. Yes, DANCING! No matter how tired you are, it does actually help to move around and keep your muscles warm. Our entire team danced and took pictures and had a blast...but soon enough it was time for lights out and we all headed back to our tents! Come about 3am, I heard the rain coming down, and I couldn't believe it. I had made it through 3 and 2/3rds walks, in Seattle no less, and had never seen rain like this. But here it came - and it didn't let up!

DAY 3
By the time 4:30am came around and we needed to pack up and tear down our tent - it was windy and pouring. Trudy and I went as fast as we could with rain poncho's on, and got our gear to the gear truck...after a little breakfast in the soggy camp...we waited in line for busses to North Seattle to start the last day of walking.

The last day is usally my favorite day, for many reasons...mainly because you know you are almost done - but also because we are walking through Seattle and downtown. Lots of familiar landmarks - including Dick's Drive-In on capital hill (where we detoured for lunch). The rain went away mid morning - and Michelle and Josh and I walked most of the day together. We actually had a great time catching up, discussing life throughout the miles. We had so many great people that came out and cheered us on, and when we got down to the last mile - we knew our friends and family were going to be waiting for us just blocks away. The entire team met up about a 1/4 mile from the closing ceremony site - and we walked that last bit all together. Another VERY memorable moment that will stay with me for awhile. We got into the holding area before the closing ceremony - and I was wisked off to meet up with my Survivor Circle group again. We were last to walk into the stadium - where thousands of people were there cheering us. It was an amazing feeling! To see my teammates cheering for me - and our friends and family in the stands with their "Team Tracy" signs...I may not have ever been so proud. I carried the Courage flag up on stage and the Survivors Circle held hands as the final flag of the 3 Day walk was raised. It was just one of those moments I will never, ever forget! In total - the Seattle 3 Day raised over $6 Million. Team Tracy contributed nearly $45,000 to that total!

Thank you all for following along and being a part of Team Tracy!

Pre 3 Day Walk & Day 1...

2010-10-07T15:55:00.000-07:00

There are so many things I could say about my most recent 3 Day Walk experience...so many stories I can tell - I could probably talk for 3 days. But here is my first installation of my 3 day experience...this should cover the night before and the first Day of my journey...

Thursday Night - Practicing for Opening Ceremonies

First of all, I had to meet out at the Opening Ceremonies location on Thursday night to practice for the Opening Ceremonies that would happen the next morning. My Dad was sweet enough to take me out to Redmond during rush hour traffic. As I walked onto the field, I couldn't help but notice the buzz of all the crew members...each of them in their brightly colored tshirts and gear...ready to make this the best 3 days of the walkers lives (which they did successfully). I ran into "crew" friends immediately - sisters, Patrice & Michelle...they were so excited to see me and got to meet my Dad. Seeing their familiar faces put me at ease...they pointed me in the right direction. I got to meet my fellow 8 survivors who would be in the survivor circle with me (boy did we get some special treatment). I got my flag and marching orders (literally) and handed my camera to my Dad and asked him to take pictures if anything seemed of interest. They ran through the entire emotional opening ceremony...as I walked up on stage I noticed a couple things...all the crew stopped to be a part of this moment (even if it was a practice)...and secondly, I could see my Dad wiping tears from his eyes. Oh boy, this was going to be a tough one. I managed to hold it together - no tears at practice - focused on the sky while the sun was setting over 60 Acre Park. When practice was over, I happened to run into another friend and crew member, Lisa - who was walking in - again was able to introduce her to my Dad and find out where I could find her the following morning! Then it was off to Red Robin for a ginormous chicken burger, before my Dad dropped me off at the Redmond Inn to meet up with a few of my teammates.

Opening Ceremonies - Survivor's Circle

7 of our 16 team mates decided to stay in Redmond the night before, so we didn't have to wake our families up early to get us to opening ceremonies at 5:30am. It was actually a really great way to start our journey! We all piled into one of our 3 rooms, and chatted socks, shoes - blister prevention. The 7 of us had all walked the 3 day before - so we knew what we were getting into - but it was obvious there were still some nerves. I called it an early night since I knew I had to be at the Opening Ceremony early to check in and get ready for my duties in the Survivor Circle...so myself and Jill, took the 4:45am shuttle from the hotel to the park. As our team slowly gathered at the field, you could tell the 3 day "virgins" were soaking in every moment - trying to understand this crazy event they had gotten themselves into. Those of us who had walked before, tried to take the lead, calm some nerves...give direction and more than anything - just give hugs and help everyone stay focused. At 6am I was swept off behind stage to get ready for the my "flag" moment. Standing back there - all of us survivors and flag bearers took photo's of eachother...gave hugs and tried not to let the nerves get to us. We could hear the crowd multiplying and the walkers energy was vibrating and buzzing all over the park. Finally the Opening Ceremonies began, since our group was one of the last groups to bring out our flags...we listened to most of this ceremony from behind stage and we all fought back tears. We finally walked on stage and down the aisle to the main circular stage in the middle of the walkers...I put my Courage flag in it's holder and looked down in the crowd to my entire team right infront of me...with tears running down their faces. This is when the fighting of tears, turned to the acceptance that this was a bigger moment than myself. Tears, love, memories of those lost - combined with the total realization that I was still alive - living, breathing - that I had fought for my life - that the women that I held hands with in this circle were some of the toughest, most courageous women I could ever be privileged to be associated with. As the ceremony came to an end, the survivors circle led the 2400 walkers out of the field on to the route. It was - till that moment - one of the most epic, amazing moments of my life (that is, till Day 3...stay tuned).

Me and Route Safety friend, Lisa

Day 1 on the route I was able to gather with my teammates and walked with groups of them for different parts of the day. I met some new friends and exchanged stories...my backpack I wore said "2x Survivor - Thank You for Walking". So it got some attention as people walked by. My friend Lisa who was on the route safety crew, rode her bike by us multiple times, and each time would ask me if I was doing okay. I felt like I had so many great people looking after me. I didn't finish the 21+ Miles on Day 1, I took it easy after lunch (as my dr. advised) and ended up taking the Bus with Jennifer back to camp. On that bus I met an older couple that were on the crew and in charge of the bus to camp. Jennifer and I got into a great conversation with them - when a gal a few rows back named Drea, said she was from NYC and also a Breast Cancer Survivor. She and I chatted about losing our hair and post treatment side effects. It was great! In that moment I knew that I was meant to be on that bus, to meet these people, that my story was being shared and I was hearing stories of hope and survival. My heart bursted with love for all of these people - strangers, now friends...and to boot, my best friend Jennifer was there with me to witness it and experience it all with me. My cup runneth over!

Rememberance Tent

My note - Why I walk...

We got back to camp and quickly grabbed our bags and tents and headed off to set up our home away from home for a couple days. A great crew member, Lynn, came over and helped Jenn and I put up each of our tents. Between the 3 of us - we made quick work of it all! Off to the showers in a Semi-truck, then off to dinner. Our team met up at the Dining tables and stage for the camp show and to talk about our day. I quickly ran over to the camp Post Office and a crew member saw my badge with my name and said..."oh boy, do you have mail!" I had 2 large packages of cards and pictures that 5th & 6th graders from my old gradeschool, Hope Lutheran School, had made for our team. I also received a few other cards and notes from friends and family! (Thank you Loretta, Brianna, Jeri and Bette & Reynold) I made it back to the table with a pile of mail - and we all had a great time reading all the special notes, and even shedding a couple tears. Before bed I wanted to be sure to make it to the Rememberance Tent. This where people leave messages for those lost to Breast Cancer - some people leave pictures or momento's and it's a great place to sit and reflect on why we were here. I wrote a note in the Rememberance Journal about why I walked and it was a great way to end Day 1!

After all this, we headed back to our tents and got ready for lights out at 9pm. Slathered in Icy Hot, I snuggled into my sleeping bag and fell asleep with such wonderful memories from the day.

More to come...

Susan G. Komen 3 Day 2010 - Slideshow

2010-10-01T13:40:00.000-07:00

A week has passed since the 3 Day Walk, and I am finally able to walk normally again. The calves and butt were a little sore early this week...but I'm on the mend. Every ache and pain was well worth the experience of being in he midst of such wonderful women and men, and celebrating life for 3 days. It may have been my 4th walk, but EVERY year I take something new away from the 3 day event. I was inundated with hugs and love from so many friends, some people I had only met thru Facebook, and some new friends I met out on the route along the way. It is my favorite 3 days out of the year...I can hardly wait to start preparing for next year.

Here are is a slideshow montage of photo's I took from the weekend...as promised...hope you enjoy!

XOXO ~ Tracy

Make an on-line slide show at www.OneTrueMedia.com

Closing Ceremonies...

2010-09-28T13:30:00.000-07:00

Here is a video link to some coverage of Closing Ceremonies...more pictures and stories from the weekend to come!!!!

3 Day Closing Ceremony Video

2010 3-Day - Day 2 - Back at Camp

2010-09-25T16:28:00.000-07:00

Tracy just called to let me know that she was back at camp and relaxing in her tent. She said she expected about 8 or 9 of her team members to finish all 21 miles today, while others (including herself) decided to end a bit early today and rest up for tomorrow's final leg.

The weather was cold overnight, and Tracy forgot to pack a ski cap for her head while sleeping in a tent. She mentioned it to one of the crew at breakfast this morning - her friend Patrice. To Tracy's surprise, when she arrived back at camp this afternoon, she found that Patrice had left a card and a hand-knit cap for Tracy to wear tonight!!! How cool. So a BIG shoutout and thank you to Patrice!

Tracy also mentioned that her team wore their turquoise "Got Blisters?" shirts today - and really stood out from all the other folks wearing pink. So much so, that it seemed "Team Tracy" folks were spotted everywhere by everyone today! Tracy would also like to thank all the friends who came out to cheer stations today in the Everett area - seeing that support really keeps the walkers motivated. The Jensen family of West Seattle was one of those who came up to Everett to show their support - here are some photos they posted online:

(LOVE the outfit Jen!!!)

Meanwhile, the folks at the West Seattle Blog published a nice story on Tracy & her team yesterday, with a video including an interview with Tracy in the days leading up to the Walk:

Thanks to Glen Syvertsen for getting the video published and Tom Hutyler, (best known as the Safeco Field “Voice of the Mariners”), for his great narrative. It turned out great!

2010 3-Day - Day 2 - Got Blisters???

2010-09-25T10:23:00.000-07:00

The team was up early this morning to start Day 2 of the walk. Just received this photo of the girls in their "Got Blisters?" t-shirts - love it!

If you have photos or updates to share, please send them to me at: juliedmbc@hotmail.com and I will post them here - THANKS.

Day 1 - Evening Update

2010-09-24T19:19:00.000-07:00

Tracy called me around 5:30 pm to let me know that they had made it to camp and were done walking for the day. She said it drizzled in the early morning, then turned into a downpour for a bit mid-morning, before clearing up after lunch. She believe her entire team has made it into camp with only a few blisters to report. A couple of folks were going to the first aid tent to get their blisters treated. She and Jen were planning to take advantage of the free massage services on-site. Tonight is "Karaoke Night" at camp, however Tracy wasn't sure who would have enough energy to take part - but they may get their 2nd wind after some food and time off their feet!

I also rec'd the following note from Jud, who is twittering via @WeSupport3Day:

We were happy to see lots of @TeamTracyWalks at about mile marker 12.9 in Mill Creek earlier today. They sure boosted our spirits and we were honored to share some toe-tapping music and treats with the team.
While we didn’t get specific pictures of the team I KNOW we were able to convince some of the group to taste mini-cupcakes here:

Thanks for walking, Team Tracy! You and the rest of the walkers continue to inspire us to run, walk, and fight for a cure!

Sincerely,

@WeSupport3Day

Seattle 3-Day Walk 2010 - Day 1 - Morning

2010-09-24T13:18:00.000-07:00

Hi all - this is Tracy's sister, Julie - I'm guest blogging for her and her team while they walk 60 miles this weekend. If you go out to any of the cheering stations and see them walking this weekend, please send any photos to me and I will post them here! My email is: juliedmbc@hotmail.com

As you likely know, Tracy was honored to be asked to carry the "Courage" flag at the Opening and Closing ceremonies this year. I have already received some photos that Jen took with her phone early this morning:

Tracy at the Opening Ceremonies this morning, standing in the "Survivors Circle"...

REPRESENT Sister!

Tracy and Jen, ready to walk in the early morning hours...

The banner Tracy is carrying - flying high at the Opening Ceremonies!

Off to get my Courage...

2010-09-23T13:07:00.000-07:00

This afternoon I leave for the Seattle 3 Day walk. I have the "Survivor Circle" practice at 60 Acre park in Redmond at 4pm and then will be staying in Redmond tonight with several of my teammates. I am looking forward to meeting the other 7 Survivors that I will be participating in the Survivor Circle with, and can't wait to carry the "Courage" flag. Kind of feel like the cowardly Lion heading to Oz to meet the Wizard. Best part of this whole thing, is that I already know I have my courage...I had it - I have it - and I will wear it as a badge of honor all weekend. For all those survivors walking this weekend, for those unable to walk and will be watching from the sidelines and for all the women who courageously went before us - I carry that flag for you. This weekend is sure to be an emotional one for me and for every walker...afterall, look how far we've come! No matter what your story is - why you walk - how Breast Cancer has touched your life...this 3 day journey is a life changer! Can't wait to start!!!

Team Tracy Cheering Stations

2010-09-22T17:03:00.000-07:00

Support Team Tracy on the road this weekend...we have our very own Team Tracy designated cheering stations and this year, we have a wonderful Team Tracy supporter, Katie, who will be at each cheering station and handing out signs. Please feel free to stop by on any day and cheer on all the walkers. Look for the pink signs!

If you have questions of need help finding the cheering stations -

please call Katie Bang (her husband Josh is walking with our team this year!)
Cell # 253/678-1293

Day 1:
Timeframe: 7:30am – 9:30am
Dairy Queen
17831 131st Ave NE
Woodinville, WA 98072

Day 2:
Colby Ave between Wall and 32nd St, Everett
Timeframe: 10:30am – 2:30pm

Day 3:
Western and Denny in Seattle
Timeframe: 12:00pm – 4:00pm

The last cheering station is only 1/2 mile from closing ceremonies at Memorial Stadium (starts at 4:30). Would love to see some of you on the road. Also, my sister Julie, will be guest blogging for me over the weekend. If you do come to cheering stations and have photo's to share - please send them to juliedmbc@hotmail.com

Where there's a will, there's a 3 Day...

2010-09-20T15:10:00.000-07:00

Holding 2006 Seattle 3 Day Walk

Day 3: Jenn, Tracy, Kim - 3 Day Seattle 2008

This week I will embark on my 4th Susan G Komen 3 Day for the Cure event in Seattle. It's amazing over the past year, thinking at times I would never get here. Signing up for the 3 Day event the week after I finished last years event - I knew I had big goals for team building and fundraising...I knew I would need this entire year to reach those goals. What I didn't expect or think about, is that my cancer would return just 6 months later. I thought my goals and dreams would be dashed...forget training and fundraising, was I even going to be able to walk? Those days after chemo where I wondered how I was going to make it to the next day, yet alone how I would put on a fundraiser the following weekend. How do I recruit team members when I couldn't even leave the house. Well, what I found out is that where there is a will, there is always a way...and therefore, there will be a 3 day for me again this year.

Team Tracy - Holding at Key Arena at Seattle 3 Day 2009

What Breast Cancer has taught me about the 3 Day Walk (and life in general)...

1. Just getting there is enough.
2. When you have a story, you need to tell it.
3. Who cares what you look like...
4. Complaining gets you nowhere...
5. Encouragement and a smile can go a long ways (sometimes a few miles)
6. The heart and the mind are the muscles that you need to count on.
7. Blisters are nothing compared to chemo.
8. Support comes in so many ways...and $$$ isn't always what you need.
9. Two arms and a listening ear can be the best way to make a new friend.
10. Believing you have no other option but to survive (whether it's cancer or 60 Miles).

$40,000 for BUSTS!!!

2010-09-16T15:39:00.000-07:00

A sign we saw on the road last year on the 3 day!

Just a quick note to let you know that Team Tracy officially reached our goal today of raising $40,000 for the Susan G. Komen Breast Cancer 3 Day for the Cure. We walk in just 8 days...and money still continues to come in! But we made it!

Thank you over and over to the 600+ donors who have donated to all 16 of our walkers! It's amazing to see what can happen when you DREAM BIG and BELIEVE you can make a difference! As the picture shows...we never can forget why we walk! For all of those who are no longer with us...we do this for YOU!

11 Days until the Seattle Breast Cancer 3 DAY!!!

2010-09-13T16:09:00.000-07:00

First, thank you to everyone that has, and continues to donate! I am genuinely amazed and humbled every day at the donations that flood into our Team Tracy account - the amazing people who donate, that get their company to match funds, that donate goods & services from their businesses, that have donated their time and resources to make sure that Team Tracy, not only is a top fundraising team...but that we ultmately find a cure for Breast Cancer! You all are the heart & soul that keep me going...and help me not just survive breast cancer - but BEAT IT! (Twice!)

A couple exciting things to announce. Team Tracy continues to be in the Top 10 fundraising teams in Seattle (out of 100's of teams that participate). This is an AMAZING accomplishment - and I couldn't be prouder of our 15 women and 1 man, walking this year! We are close to raising our goal of $40,000 this year. The other thing that is pretty amazing and exciting is that I have been asked to be a part of the opening and closing ceremonies for the 3 day. I am one of the 8 survivors chosen to be a part of the Survivor's Circle. They have asked me to carry the "Courage" flag. So that leads me to a couple more things to tell you about - and ways you can get involved in the 3 Day this year....(and I don't mean walking)

You can send letters or notes that will be delivered to us the weekend of the event!
Letters can be sent to:
3-Day for the Cure
ATTN: INSERT NAME OF PARTICIPANT
PO Box 31609
Seattle, WA 98103

Envelopes only, please. No boxes or large packages. Mail must be postmarked no later than September 14 (that's tomorrow) in order to ensure delivery at the Komen 3-Day for the Cure Camp Post Office.

Opening Ceremonies: (it's early - but in case you are interested in coming)
Friday, September 24
60 Acres Park
15200 NE 116th
Redmond, WA 98052
Schedule for the Day:
4:00 a.m. - Crew members should arrive.
5:30 a.m. - 6:00 a.m. - Walkers should arrive.
6:30 a.m. - Opening Ceremony begins with community stretching.
Directions:
Please enter Sixty Acres Park off of NE 116th St. from Willows Road.

Closing Ceremonies:

Sunday, September 26
4:30 p.m.
Memorial Stadium at the Seattle Center
501 5th Ave N
Seattle, WA 98103

You can find more spectator information at this link http://www.the3day.org/site/PageServer?pagename=SE_Spectator including details for Opening and Closing Ceremonies and Cheering Stations.

There is also a friend of Team Tracy organizing Cheering Stations for Team Tracy supporters - and will be there to coordinate and hand out "Team Tracy" signs that we had printed. If you would like to come out and join them and meet us along the route at a cheering station...please email Katie at katielbang@msn.com.

Thank you again for all your support. Without all of you, I would not be able to participate in this life changing event.

Walking because everyone deserves a lifetime!!!

Introducing my niece, Miss Lia!

2010-09-08T12:15:00.000-07:00

Introducing Miss Lia!

Lia fell asleep holding my hand - So Sweet!

Her adorable baby hand holding mine.

Me and my sister, Julie with Lia. All a bit tired from their travels!

So as some of you may or may not know, our family has been anxiously awaiting the arrival of the newest member of the Dart family. My sister started the process (over 3 years ago) of adopting a baby girl from China. Finally, after a ton of paperwork, home studies, finger printing and a TON of patience...she went to China this past month and picked up her daughter, Lia from Xian, China. I had the chance to meet them at the Sea-Tac Airport last Friday night and met my niece for the first time. She is SO precious and absolutely has stolen the hearts of our entire family! She is 21 months old, and was born with a cleft palette/lip. She had surgery almost a year ago in China, and will have another surgery here in the next 6 months sometime. To follow my sister's blog and her journey through parenthood click HERE. To my sweet Miss Lia, you will be the source of joy and many memories for our entire family - you are and will always be loved! Love, your Auntie Tracy

4 WEEKS!!! Seattle 3 DAY Walk ....here we come!

2010-08-28T00:41:00.000-07:00

Eleni & Mary fundraising with the kids at West 5

Team Tracy in Training

I have been on a fundraising frenzie for the past month...so SO busy and crazy that I haven't even updated my blog for a few weeks! Things are very exciting right now for TEAM TRACY! We are just 4 weeks away from the Seattle 3 Day walk, and TEAM TRACY is currently #8 out of the Top 10 fundraising teams in Seattle. This is SO amazing considering that there are 100's of teams that participate in the Seattle 3 day Event. I could NOT be prouder of my team! And, trust me...we have been working our butts off for that #8 place. Currently our team has raised $34,221...and the money just continues to roll in! When people ask me how we do it...how we continue to raise money, especially with such a difficult economic climate...I am speechless. I am humbled and amazed every day - by the generosity of friends, family, businesses and strangers. I wear the fight for Breast Cancer awareness and research on my sleeve daily, it is something that has become second nature for me...but to have so many people jump on board and back me up...and to take on this fight for a cure as seriously and passionately as I do...it's...well, it's just AMAZING! Every single day I wake up thankful for my health - thankful that I fought and won the battle again - and thankful for the people around me that have fought and continue to fight for me and every person touched by Breast Cancer!

Silent Art Auction Update & Pictures

2010-08-09T20:56:00.000-07:00

Just a little over a week ago, Team Tracy had a fantastic fundraising event, a Silent Art Auction to raise money for the 3 Day Walk. Not only was it incredibly successful, but the way it came about may have been the most miraculous part of the event. The organizer and the person who dreamed up this entire idea for the Art Auction, is my ex-boyfriends wife, Suzy. May seem odd to some...but to me - it seemed pretty fantastic and couldn't be more exciting. I have been lucky to stay in touch with James over the years, and he introduced me to Suzy back when they first started dating. Now married, we have been lucky enough to get together several times here and there and I've been so happy to get to know her and become friends with her. Just last year her own mother was struck by Breast Cancer and Suzy felt called to fundraise to help find a cure for breast cancer. So this fabulous event was all her idea, and I was just so happy that she thought to let Team Tracy be a part of it and benefit from her hard work. That night we raised just over $3000 for our Team.

(Part of Team Tracy with Suzy Strelecky - Tracy, Suzy, Jennifer, Jill and Kimberly)

There are so many people that donated their Art, Items, Services and Time to make this wonderful event happen. THANK YOU ALL! Especially a HUGE thanks to Suzy & James Strelecky!

Sponsored by Smiles By Bond
Donors:
Kenyon Hall                                           Max Humphres
Jeff Siamas & his amazing Band              Johanna Loomis
Kathryn Bradley                                     Emily Ann Truong
Lori Hammond                                       Ann Wolf
Heidi Schreifels                                      Krista Kuusisto
Bernie Drake                                         Susan Rafanelli
Georges Wine Shoppe                           Budweiser
Alan Murphy                                         Jolene Cohn
Jennifer Streit                                        Alexandra Knight
Karen Tindal                                         Jeff Hayenga
Kyle Braget                                          Gina Yanochko
Husky Deli                                            Linda Gaughran
Aaron Cohn                                          Erin Drake
Cheryl Kenna                                        Pamela Coffey
Anna Lee                                              Erin & Jamie Peters
Michael Jacobs                                     Teresa & Martin Strelecky
Susanne O'Trimble                                Marie & Ron Yanochko
Barbara Edwards                                  Jessica Cunningham

High Fives & Hugs

2010-08-06T17:22:00.000-07:00

You may have heard me say before that I hate crying, especially in public. There was a time several years ago that my best friend asked me when the last time was that I cried...and after thinking about it for awhile, I realized it had been almost a year. A YEAR! Some psychologist would probably analyze this and tell me that I have some deep rooted issue...that I relate crying to weakness, or something stupid. Fact is - I know this isn't normal...but it's just the way I am. BUT...since this last round of Chemo, I swear I can cry at the drop of a hat. And it is SO IRRITATING! Sad story, cute commercial, the news, looking at old pictures, music...and the waterworks start. Hurt my feelings or even give me a compliment for that matter, and I go to pieces. This is NOT the Tracy I am used to. I would like to blame this (and a few other things in my life) on the Chemo! I'm quite certain that in addition to chemicals that are made to kill cancer cells and bring you within an inch of your life, there is also some sort of emotional strip down syrum. Like your every emotion is sitting right there in a lump in your throat...right out there on your sleeve...naked to the world. I also think there is some sort of truth syrum mixed into this chemical cocktail. I have never been known as the boat rocker, no stirring of any pots for this girl. I generally keep my mouth shut, even sometimes when my friends have told me I should have spoken up and defended myself. Lately, this trait has mysteriously gone missing. Apparently I just tell people how I feel or what I think - pretty much anytime. I have learned that there is no time but the present to tell people how you feel. Whether you want to tell them that you love them, or that they've dissappointed you. I guess the more honest and real I can be with my feelings, the less chance I'll have this weight of regret resting on my shoulders. But this is pretty much unchartered territory for this girl. And once again, I'd like to hand it to the 6 rounds of chemo for this new found way of life! Life is an interesting one, living life with emotion - whether it's laughing or crying, high fiving and hugging, shaking your butt to a catchy tune or clicking your heals. It's not enough to just travel through life, it helps to feel life!

My new Chemo induced way of thinking from me to you...

High Fives & Hugs,
Tracy

5 Things you learn when you shave your head...

2010-07-29T02:49:00.000-07:00

photo courtesy of luskSHOT photography

#1. It's not as easy as it looks. I had clippers that my hairdresser friend, Lori, had dropped off for me at my apartment. The morning I woke up with hair broken off in my hand very close to the root...I had "had it". Enough trying to fake it by wearing hats and not trying to touch it. It was GO time! So I went with the 3mm attachment and went for it. But the fact is, your head is round - and clippers are not. Trying to evenly shave your head when you can't see the back of your head is tough.

#2. Be prepared for people to stare. Even though I live in Seattle and pretty much anything goes here...it still doesn't get you off the hook. Especially in a relatively tight knit community where people expect to see you a certain way. For those who didn't know me or my story - they would look at me with one of two looks. The first is a look of pity. The "aww, poor thing must have cancer" look. So to ward off this look I try to smile and laugh as much as possible. I think some people believe that those with life threatening diseases aren't supposed to look happy and certainly shouldn't think anything is funny. The second look was the one people give me like I am being edgy or artsy. Which I am certainly neither of these things. I felt like I needed tattoo's or to start wearing leather or pierce my nose or something.

#3. People say really stupid things to you. REALLY STUPID! When you're going through cancer, so many wonderful people hold you up and tell you inspiring, uplifting things - great words of encouragement. But then you get the people that say thoughtless, careless, even hurtful things...all because you have no hair. Something which I had absolutely no control over. When you are already in a self conscious, delicate state of mind...hearing things like "I liked your hair better the old way" or "I wonder if people think you're a lesbian" or "Most guys prefer long hair" or "Why'd you do THAT to your hair?" ...wow, really???? On what alternate universe is this EVER okay to say to someone. The days you wake up thinking that these are things people are thinking about you - and then to have the nerve to pull yourself together and head out in public - and then to have your worst fears realized...it's like taking a bullet. Be thoughtful folks. Think before you speak.

#4. What Women Think. I believe that women are obsessed with hair. It's our crowning glory. We will spend a fortune on it and we spend a ton of time styling it. Secretly though, I think every women has been fed up and at some point has wanted to do the Britney Spears meltdown and just shave it off. I will say, it's pretty fun. It's like you instantly feel like you're invincible...suddenly you're a self proclaimed badass. Women may stare, but I think it's in envy. I've had more women say, "I could never do that". Fact is, you could...and you would be able to do it if you had to. As one gal told me...it shows other women you have "nerve" and "hutspa".

#5. What Guys Think. I believe that the shaved head is a little intimidating to men, balanced out by a equal amount of intrigue. No matter what your story - why you're a woman with a shaved head...whether it be on purpose or because you had to...men look at you like you must have an interesting story. I worried as a single woman, would any man want to talk to me? I've found that I've had more indepth - actual "real" conversations than I ever did before. Maybe cancer has actually helped me weed out the losers...afterall, if they don't run when they see the shaved head...and find out I have battled cancer - TWICE...then maybe they are worth getting to know.

CHINS UP!!!

2010-07-27T14:34:00.000-07:00

This week is a big one for Team Tracy. We have a huge Art Auction fundraiser on Friday night, details HERE, and Sunday we will have our first 10 mile training walk in West Seattle. So many exciting things coming up...and just a little over 8 weeks away from the Seattle 3 Day Event. This past week marked the kick off of the 3 Day "Season" as the Boston walkers endured rain and other less than perfect conditions. Kudo's to the walkers & crew for your dedication! A special shout out to my friend Dusty who traveled from Tampa to Boston to walk his first of two walks he will do in 2010. Love the bra & the enthusiasm!!!

I am happy to report that I have just one more test, my PET Scan, this week before I will be cleared from treatment. I dread the PET Scan...drinking a glass full of poorly flavored sludge is none too appealing. But it gets me one step closer to the end of this, how shall I say, set-back.

While my fight is coming to an end, I want to send out prayers, love and positive juju to my friends still battling the beast...Ed (lung & bone cancer), Amanda (breast), Janine (breast) and Karen (lymphoma). And a huge blog hug to Kristine who just found out that her breast cancer spread to her bones. You are SUCH a fighter! If only a positive attitude could cure cancer. My thoughts are with you and your family!!!! As you have said to me more than once "CHINS UP!"

525,600 Minutes

2010-07-22T16:31:00.000-07:00

I'm sure you've all heard the song from the musical "RENT", talking about how you remember a year. The things that happen in the 525,600 minutes we get each year...the sunsets we see, the words spoken, the hugs given and the moments that take our breathe away. Cancer has given me a new perspective on time. We are not guaranteed time, we can't buy more of it, we can't trade our lunch for more of it, we can't outsmart time. It passes by us so quickly and each minute I look at as being borrowed. When it's borrowed, just like borrowing someone else's car, I think we tend to be more careful with it. So I look at the time I have (which may or may not be another 50+ years) as an opportunity to live each minute on purpose. Less, "I wish" and a lot more "I WILL". A lot less negativity and a lot more hugs! I challenge you to use the minutes in your day, your week, your year, your life...on purpose!

With all that said, I am incredibly THRILLED to tell you that after finishing my last chemo treatment last week, I did tests this week and my blood work and mammogram came back clean. I still have my PET Scan next week, but this is completely standard and "when" that comes back clean...I will not have to go back to my doctor for a month. I have made it through to the other side of this nasty disease once again. Thank you to everyone who helped get me here!

Upcoming Team Tracy Art Auction

2010-07-13T23:54:00.000-07:00

The 3 Day Walk: Cancer doesn't get to take my days away - especially 3 Days!

2010-06-30T17:40:00.000-07:00

I think my doctor might think I'm crazy. Two months ago when she said that we had to up my treatment from radiation to chemo, I had just two questions. #1. How many chemo treatments? And #2. Can I still walk in the 3 Day? What I love about the relationship I have with Dr. C is that she knows how important it is for me to walk those 60 miles. She knows that I fundraise all year round, she knows I recruit team members every week. She knows that I need to have something to work towards - I need to have hope - I NEED a physical finish line to cross. As a cancer patient and a survivor, I think we look at the 3 Day a little different than the average walker. Life is so uncertain every day going through treatment. We rarely get definite timelines - everything depends on how your body responds to treatment. I have learned in the last 2 years that my doctors can't promise me anything, and I've stopped asking them to. I take their recommendations and I battle through - and I pray for the best. So one way I get my Finish line is by participating in the 3 Day Walk. At the end of 60 miles - I know there is a finish line I can cross. It will be there whether my treatment is working or not - whether my cancer is in remission or not - whether I walked all 60 miles or I had to jump on a Sweep Van or a SAG bus. I know that I will walk into Holding with my Team to the cheer of hundreds of crew and family members lining the streets - and I will march arm in arm with my fellow Survivors into Closing Ceremonies...joyful, tearful, thankful...most of all full of Hope! It is something I think about every day. Every step I take, and that every breast cancer patient or survivor takes on the 3 Day, is a step towards regaining your life - toward our personal Victory - and a bold statement telling cancer that it doesn't get to take days away from us...and it certainly doesn't get to take these 3 days away from us! To those 3 Day walkers who are currently in treatment or have survived breast cancer - I look forward to seeing you along the way - to hitting that finish line with you all and to stand shoulder to shoulder as Warriors! These are OUR 3 Days...not cancer's...we need to grab ahold and take them - with every thing we have! See you on the road...

30 second "I'm with Team Tracy" Video

2010-06-29T23:03:00.000-07:00

I spoke at a patient/survivor support group about ways to use social media (facebook/twitter/blogging) to help gather support, to keep friends and family updated and to get people involved in your recovery and survivorship. This was just a quick example of ways to get people involved in showing their support. Thanks to all of those who submitted photo's for this project.

Create your own video slideshow at animoto.com.

Greetings from the War Room...

2010-06-24T16:43:00.000-07:00

Today was my "War Room" meeting at the hospital. I like to call it the War Room because it is the meeting I have with all of my doctors at once. My surgical oncologist, Dr. C and my radiation oncologist, Dr. W and then my chemotherapy specialist and the gal who does the nutritional/wellness training. Anyhow, they all sit around with all of their input, and files with all my stats in them. It is a little mind boggling to have all these people sit around and talk about stuff that sometimes I have to say, now what is that again??? I have gotten pretty good over the 2 plus years of listening to this medical jargon. I know what most of it means...every once in awhile I still need to have them put it in laymen terms.

But here's the nitty gritty...I have 2 more chemotherapy sessions left, after that I will do a whole gamut of tests - but my doctors feel confident that where my numbers are at - I will be finished. So as much as I try not to let myself get caught up on dates and finish lines...there is reason to believe that by the end of July, this nightmare could be over, again...for good this time. God willing.

It's funny, the past couple of months have been interesting ones. You don't need a War Room of specialists to tell you how you "really" have been feeling. They will tell you what your white blood cell count is, your CEA levels...your platelet count...how much weight you've lost. All that physical stuff...but what about the stuff you can't see. How do you measure fear and insecurity? Sometimes I wish there was blood work or a test you could take that told you when you were on the verge of losing it. "No more chemo for this girl, she isn't emotionally stable". Funny it doesn't work that way. Having to swallow your pride and your independence like a jagged pill...it all has it's way of taking it's toll. But as it takes it's toll, it also makes you very VERY aware of who you are. Good and Bad...when you're stripped down to your emotional core, you learn what's really in there. And that is a gift cancer has given me...I know where I stand with myself. People always talk about loving others for what is on the inside, not just for what you see on the outside. Sadly, most of us don't love ourselves enough on the inside - as much as we do on the outside. But to take a long hard look at the inside is a gift, almost like having a War Room sit down with yourself.

Next chemo appointment is Monday...until then...

FREE HUGS...

2010-06-22T14:17:00.000-07:00

I came across this video on YouTube, and I just loved it. Wouldn't it be nice if we could just solve life's problems with a Hug? This man is trying to do just that...

Enjoy!

I got it covered...

2010-06-16T22:18:00.000-07:00

That is...I got my head covered! This past week I received this cute pink scarf from my friend Celia who is also going through chemo treatment right now at SCCA. And my friend Jennifer got this cute black polka dot hat for me last weekend! I love both, and had to show them off. Thanks Celia & Jenn!

5th grade all over again...Ode to the Chubby little fat girl

2010-06-14T23:31:00.000-07:00

My life lately consists a lot of doctors appointments...which is a lot of waiting. Waiting on nurses, waiting on technicians...then waiting for drugs to kick in that will make you feel icky. Far too much time for me to be alone with my own thoughts, in my opinion. Luckily I recognized this pretty early in this process, so I've learned to focus my energy in different directions. I am pretty certain that I want to write a book...not sure what about yet. I have so many ideas...sometimes I write about feeling my way through a cancer diagnosis and sometimes it's about being 35 and single and the trials and tribulations me and my friends have gone through out in the dating world. But this week I got stuck on stories of me from my childhood. Chubby pre-teen, with glasses and braces - turned high school captain of the cheer squad. I've been on both ends of the spectrum...the chubby little fat girl who in 5th grade was terrified of PE class and the idea of having to try and do one sit-up (yet alone 20) in front of the class, was enough to make me physically ill in the girls bathroom. Jump 5 years later where I was the co-captain of the cheer squad, friends with everyone...and even had a few boys interested in me. If only I could have told that 10 year girl that her life would get better in a few years. Funny though, no matter how much we change on the outside...some of those insecurities never leave you. I eventually got rid of the glasses, I grew a few inches and lost a few pounds...but even thin, in a cheer uniform with the braces gone...that little fat girl was still there. Still unsure whether she was really accepted.

Now jump about 20 years later...here I am feeling pretty good about life, secure with who I am and happy to be surrounded by a lot of wonderful friends and family. Then you lose your hair one day and I might as well be 10 years old, with every insecurity I've ever had rushing back into my life like a flash flood. Obviously, these feelings were just surpressed and never actually went away. I just find it interesting that no matter how old we are, we continue to just want to fit in...to be normal, to have people like us.

So I'm 35, teetering dangerously close to 36...and I wonder if when I'm 40 or 50...I will want to talk to the 35 year old Tracy and say, "Don't worry - in a few years things will get a lot better".

Love has no hair...

2010-06-02T15:10:00.000-07:00

Life without hair kind of makes you realize how little it mattered before - but how much I thought it mattered. I think about how much time I spent blow drying my hair, flat ironing, curling my hair over the years. It was exhausting. I actually missed out on going to see friends or going to events, because I didn't want have to go through the process of washing, drying and styling my hair. Pathetic, yes?

Now I just need to worry about whether I want to wear a hat or not. I actually have stood in front of the mirror in my bathroom thinking....what am I missing...what did I forget? This seems too easy. What I'm forgetting is the 30 minutes plus it took to deal with my hair. Good riddance.

But there are a few things that have come as a surprise. My head gets cold...even when I sleep. I have actually worn a hat to sleep a couple of nights. Sunglasses don't stay on your head as well - a strong breeze can come and blow your sunglasses right off your head. Thankfully my head is round for the most part...I was terrified after speaking to a woman in my last chemo appointment that shared with me that until she shaved her head, she had no idea that she had a indentation on the top of her head that made her look like a bird bath. Another gal said that, although she had no hair on her head - no eyebrows - no eyelashes...she was still able to grow hair on her upper lip and was having to schedule an appointment to get her lip waxed. How cruel mother nature (and chemo) can be!

All in all, my shaved head experience has been okay. Not too traumatic. Only one guy at a bar that was beside himself wanting to ask why my head was shaved that he stuttered and stammered "So did you? Is your...I mean are you?" I let him struggle for a minute...just because I could...and after an awkward long pause and clueless look on my face I said, "am I enlisting in the military?" For which he nervously laughed...and said, "Yeah, yeah". I finally told him I was going through cancer treatment...but it was kind of fun to mess with him for a few minutes. The only other funny situation was on the ferry coming back from Vashon Island on Monday. I got out of the car to take a couple pictures....the wind was pretty strong - so I left my hat in the car, in fear it might go overboard. But as I stood out on the bow of the boat snapping photo's - a little girl asked her mom "Mommy why doesn't that lady have any hair?" I had sunglasses on, so she couldn't see my eye's that quickly glanced over to her...but her mother was clearly mortified...and said "well some ladies are so pretty, they don't need hair". I pretended to not be listening up until this point, to not add more embarrassment to the mom. But when she said that, I couldn't help but smile! Good quick thinking on the mom's behalf.

Anyhow, life continues with hair or without. It is just a way of expressing ourselves...just like the clothes we wear or the jewlery we adorn. Once again, it's a reminder that what matters is within. Not the color of our skin or the hair on our head. Love has no hair, see's no color - and passes no judgement.

A little lighter today...

2010-05-27T16:05:00.000-07:00

Well as you can probably tell from the photo, I decided to shave my head today. For the past few days I had been trying desperately to not touch my hair, not wash it...not brush it, because every time I did, my hair would break off in my hand or in my brush. I wore a hat for two days covering my entire head...but this morning I woke up and was ready to shave it! So clippers in hand, very Britney Spears-esque (minus the drugs and mental breakdown), I shaved my head. So here I am...a little lighter, looking very much like G.I. Jane!

The Chemo Chronicles...Part 2

2010-05-25T12:52:00.000-07:00

Two down, and three more to go. I had my 2nd Chemo treatment last Friday. I felt pretty crummy for Friday, Saturday and part of Sunday. But finally got myself out of the apartment by Sunday afternoon and got some well needed fresh air and a glimpse at the sun. This is when I am so thankful for living a half a block off the beach. I can walk just steps from my front door, sit on a bench and breath in the air coming off the water...it's like a straight shot of rejuvenation to the soul. When I don't have the energy to walk, I can just sit and take it all in. I could not ask to live in a more beautiful place.

Today was my last radiation appointment. The super human, radioactive powers I like to think I have, are coming to an end. But in reality, that's okay by me. The radiation on top of the chemo has taken it's toll. So now, I can just focus on the chemo treatments and try to power through the next 6 weeks. I was happy that my bloodwork came back this past week, and my white blood cell count hadn't gone down drastically. Last time around I needed to take Neulasta shots for Neutropenia...which were expensive and made you uncomfortable, so the longer I can hold out without having to do that - the better. I also am thrilled I haven't seem to catch any nasty bugs...last time around I got a horrible head cold within the first week of my first chemo treatment. I think being SUPER cautious of germs, eating well, getting a little exercise when I feel up to it and getting more sleep - has helped me in this department. If my doctor is reading this....YOU WERE RIGHT...I will admit it. If I take better care of myself, I WILL feel better. Amazing what happens when you listen to your doctors!!! Kinda made me feel like a kid - when you really don't want to think or EVER admit that your parents are right.

More thank you's: Dominic & Val Stordahl and family, The Erickson's, Heather & Susan, Sean and Chantale Anderson, Otto & Maria Porco, Kim and Kendall Jones, Vanessa Brown, Jack & Roberta Witsoe, Linda Rogojin and all the people that have kept me on their prayer lists! Thank YOU! Also, Jennifer Witsoe and Kimberly Tish - thank you doesn't seem enough - but thank you for being my go to girls over the past 3 few weeks.

Whatever it takes girl...

2010-05-19T16:27:00.000-07:00

Bravery and courage are words that seem to be thrown around a lot these days in my life. I've been told that I'm brave that I am fighting a courageous battle. I have never thought of myself as being brave. I'm actually a complete chicken. There is a reason I don't have piercings or tattoo's - why I've never bungee jumped or sky dived. Honestly, it takes a bit of alcohol just to get me on a regular airplane. I don't take risks and I tend to be the "path well taken" girl. Not sure that I have ever had a dare-devil bone in my body. So what really is bravery, and how did I all the sudden get this courage that they talk about as soon as I began fighting cancer?

I guess what I do know is that I've always been a "whatever it takes" girl. Maybe growing up with my parents owning a family business in the basement of our house, we learned at an early age that you have to do what it takes to get the job done and when you promise someone something, you make sure you deliver. Whether that means you stay up all night to get the job done, or you enlist the entire family to make it happen. You get it done. So maybe my bravery and courage is less about looking fear in the eye, and more about living like you have no choice but to get the job done.

So with that "whatever it takes" mentality, I go to doctors appointments - I let them poke and prod - I feel sick - and then try to put my best foot forward to live a semi - normal (whatever that is) life. So thanks for the words of encouragement friends! Thanks for encouraging me while I do whatever it takes to survive cancer!

A few more additions to the "Thanks" list from yesterday...The Jensen Family, The Christians, Nancy Theones, Rick Lupton and Rosie Gran. Thanks for making life a little easier over the past couple weeks!

2 Year "Cancer" - versary and 27,000 Blog Hits!

2010-05-18T10:47:00.000-07:00

Today I celebrate my 2 Year "Cancer"-versary. It's crazy that 2 years ago was when my life became a life of survival, and maybe more importantly - a life of purpose. In 2 years, I have reached incredible highs and devestating lows...along the way, meeting some of the most wonderful people I could ever hope to know, surrounded by the people in my life that have been here along and meeting and getting acquainted with a very different "Tracy" than I had ever known. I wonder sometimes if the pre-cancer "Tracy" would even recognize the post-cancer "Tracy". So, 2 years later...I'm in the thick of the fight again. I guess what encourages me and excites me, is to think about where I'll be, what I will have done, who I will have met - 2 years from now. The uncertainty of the unknown, the possibilities that are out there, the differences that are yet to be made...is enough to keep me fighting. Opportunities await to turn this negative into a positive...I continue to try find them on a regular basis.

I have passed 27,000 hits on my blog! My first Blog Post was in June of 2008...and it still amazes me how many people it continues to reach. I have toyed with the idea of writing a book over the past couple years, and I finally am trying to get some thoughts and organize some of my posts into something I think people may want to read. We will see how it goes!

Last, but not least, my friends Jennifer and Keri bought me some pink sparkly converse. I love them, and although I don't wear them every day - they are kind of fun to wear to fundraisers and such...I have included a photo! Thanks Jennifer and Keri!

Also a quick shout out to some people that have been getting me through the past few weeks and delivering food and groceries and helping out in general!

Mom & Dad, Hubbs Family, Lori Hundley - Sutcliffe, Tish Family, Jennifer Witsoe, Grandma Dart, Wilke's and Hemme's. Thank You for all you do!!!

The Top 20 reasons you know you're a 3 Day Walker...

2010-05-16T14:31:00.000-07:00

Courtesy of fellow 3 Day Walker "Nicole"...Loved this so much, I had to share...

You Know You’re A 3-Day Walker When….

You consider waking up at 7 A.M. “sleeping in”.
Half of your wardrobe is pink.
When you cross the street, you are disappointed that people don’t honk, wave, or blast Disco music as they drive by, and that there are no children handing out popsicles or candy on the street corners.
You carry Body Glide in your purse (or satchel if you’re a man!).
The word “can’t” does not exist in your vocabulary.
Your child’s first word is “boob” and it has nothing to do with a meal.
You believe the dancing Panda or Fruit on the street is really putting on a show to celebrate you.
When your teammates really become your second (and sometimes toughest) family.
When someone at work complains about a blister, you whip out your survival kit and ask “Do you need moleskin, second skin, tape or liquid bandage?”
You wear your callused feet (aka hooves) like badges of honor while secretly longing for the day when you can have a pedicure.
You have a wide assortment of hydration pack options, and must stay within a 4-mile radius of a bathroom.
You know far too many reasons for walking
Your significant other is greatly humbled when going on a “simple hike” with you.
“Kindness Rocks!” is your mantra.
You know the importance of proper footwear, and when you find the perfect pair of training shoes, you buy them in bulk to stock up for future 3-Day walks.
While others are celebrating the winter holidays, you are going through what is known as “3-Day Withdrawal Syndrome”, missing all the kindness and love from the event, counting down the weeks until the next training season starts.
People think you are insane, and yet have no medical proof.
You know what an ice bath is and aren’t afraid to use it (even if there is much cursing involved).
When you see other 3-Dayers, your secret sisterhood handshake is a hug.
You dream of a world without breast cancer and believe in your heart it will happen one day.

Northwest Hope & Healing

2010-05-10T17:12:00.000-07:00

Last week I attended the Northwest Hope & Healing 2010 Fashion Show. It was a great event for a great cause. Below is the video they showed which, needless to say, had everyone in tears...but I thought it was a great video.

The Chemo Chronicles...Part 1...

2010-05-09T12:02:00.000-07:00

My first chemo treatment was Friday. I say first, because, although I did chemo last year, I did the pill form of chemo…not IV and it is a completely different ball of wax. It is interesting to go to these chemo “suites” (as they call them)…they truly are amazing. Comfy chairs, flat screen tv’s…nurses asking what you’d like to drink ( I like to pretend I’m on the deck of a cruiseship and call them cocktail waitresses)…I asked for a shot of Jim Beam, but wouldn’t you know…that’s not allowed. Really? You’re pumping me full of poison and you won’t let me have a shot of Whiskey? Anyhow, moving on. The experience itself was probably the best unpleasant experience I’ve had. They try to keep you distracted and you can bring your iPod, watch TV, read a magazine…whatever you want. About an hour and half in, the oncology chaplain came in and introduced herself. I was a little disturbed when I found out that she was coming in to talk to me. I was always under the impression that the chaplain came to visit when you’re about to die. This happens at the hospitals and at hospice care centers when people are on deaths door…why was she coming to talk to me. If this is how my doctor was telling me that I had taken a turn for the worse, I was unamused. But come to find out, a chaplain comes to talk to each of the “new” chemo patients during their first session. Phew! I wasn’t dying afterall. Needless to say, we chatted about my diagnosis, where I lived, my religious orientation – how I was feeling about the whole process. I didn’t mention that I had asked for a shot of Whiskey. So, after getting home from my appointment, I pretty much set up camp on the couch. Pillow, blanket, books, water, phone, remote…I was ready for what the next 24 hours or so would bring me. I felt pretty tired and crummy all evening, but didn’t get sick until about 4am. After that, I fell back asleep and fought off the hot flashes vs. chills battle for the next few hours. Finally by noon on Saturday I was able to eat some dry Cheerio’s and by Saturday night had a popsicle and some chicken noodle soup. I took a nap in the late afternoon because I was bound and determined to watch Betty White on Saturday Night Live.

So this is the first installment of the Chemo Chronicles…more to come…

Update...

2010-05-06T16:08:00.000-07:00

Yes folks, we are back on the Chemo train. After 4 sessions of radiation, my numbers weren't going down fast enough, so my doctors and I decided to take the aggressive route and start chemo again. This time I will be doing the IV drip for 4 sessions, once every other Friday. It will take about 3 hours each session and then I will be able to come home and recover. I have taken some time off from work, at this point it is pretty open ended. I went ahead and cut my hair short this week, thanks to my dear friend Lori at Lolo's Hair Design in downtown Seattle. She cut me the sassiest "do" - I really like it. Unfortunately it probably won't be around for long...this time around my hair is most likely going to fall out. But atleast I have an idea of a cut that I will like after I'm done with all of this. I'm donating my hair that she cut off to Locks of Love again.

Many of you have asked how you can help...my wonderful friends have really taken over for me and are coordinating some meals, groceries, rides, etc. so I don't have to worry about cooking or shopping. If you are interested in helping, please contact Jennifer.

In other exciting news, my friend Dusty Showers was on Oprah on Wednesday. He is a 3 Day Walker in Tampa and raises money and awareness all year round for Breast Cancer. Congrats Dusty on a great makeover - and for all you do for the Breast Cancer community! Check out his website HERE!!!

Meltdown 2010...

2010-04-28T16:28:00.000-07:00

Last week marked the meltdown of all meltdowns. I do a pretty good job at trying to hold it together on a daily basis. I hate crying, I hate getting to the point when I am that much of an emotional wreck....but last week got the best of me. Cue the violins!

Needless to say, surmounting insurance deductibles and insurance premiums needed to be paid, and I had no idea where the money was going to come from. I also had a week where I just came to the hard realization that I was having to battle this beast again. I can honestly say "I'm over it". I am done with this. I don't want to do it anymore.

So I called my mom, and completely had a sob fest. Like the kind when you can't really get words out and you sort of inhale your lower lip while you try to take a breath. I had to lock the front door of the store, and I sat in one of the dressing rooms and balled. She knew I had reached my breaking point - cause I never call and cry on the phone. Needless to say, my mom called my dad (who works a block away) and he was at the front door of the shop within 15 minutes. By this point, I had semi - pulled myself together. But it was just one of those days where I was on the verge of tears all day. So for all of you who wonder how I seem to be positive "all the time" and I have a great attitude about cancer...trust me...I have my days.

The next day I woke up - feeling better...realizing that this is the hand I've been dealt. I better get in the game and fight for my life...folding isn't an option.

The Best of Team Tracy

2010-04-21T12:22:00.000-07:00

I’m pretty certain that the radiation is not only zapping my cancer and my energy right out of my body…but has also zapped my creative writing skills…and has left me in a downward spiral of writers block. I gave myself a pretty serious tongue lashing the other day…disgusted with my lack of effort…wallowing in the idea that I have absolutely nothing of interest or relevance to talk about…I was washed up…my blogging days were over. I then started thinking about why I started this blog to begin with. Mainly for selfish reasons. I really just didn’t want to repeat the same information dozens of times on the phone to family and friends. Anyone who has been sick, or has had a death in the family or has gone through a tragic experience can probably relate…it is tough to retell and relive these types of experiences OVER and OVER. It’s exhausting. But along the way, my day to day stories of treatment and my experiences muddling my way through cancer, seemed to be of interest to people. Whether they could relate, or just needed a good laugh, or even a good cry. I also realized that it was incredibly healing for me to document what I was going through. While doctors try to heal your body, it is important to find ways to heal your soul…to make sense of something that seems completely absurd and senseless.

So as I pull myself up from my boot straps and try to tap back into my original mission of this blog…I am posting “the Best of Team Tracy”. Just a few entries over the past two years that as I re-read them, either gave me a good laugh or sometimes a good cry. Some made me realize just how loopy chemo and radiation can make you…and some have been the most read or searched on Google.

With that said, I promise more posts and updates in the weeks and months to come! Thanks for coming along for the ride and continuing to follow and support my journey!

Mariners Honorary Bat Girl Contest

2010-04-08T14:19:00.000-07:00

Major League Baseball , the Susan G. Komen Foundation and Louisville Slugger have come together to honor a cancer survivor in every city with a Major League Baseball Team as an Honorary Bat Girl for a game. I have entered my story to be the bat girl in Seattle!!! Now I need some votes...

Please click on the link below and search for my story under "Tracy2010" on that page. Oh, and please let your friends know to vote for me too!

Can't even imagine being able to get decked out in Mariners gear, go out on the field and rub shoulders with the players.

So to VOTE, Click HERE! (and look for Tracy2010). Thanks!

Happy Easter!

2010-04-03T15:28:00.000-07:00

Happy Easter Y'all! I am so proud of myself that I gave up coffee for Lent, and haven't cheated. WOW! But, I am SO looking forward a double tall latte on Easter Sunday! Woo Hoo! Who needs an Easter Basket...just give me some caffiene!

Life back on the radiation circuit is less than fun, but I am thankful it's not chemo. I have been tired - being zapped by something 400 times the strength of an x-ray makes you tired...just FYI! I sleep 12 hours...am awake for 4 hours and am ready to go back to bed. But I am thankful...life could be worse and life could be dealing me a much worse hand. So although I am tired and wishing I didn't have cancer...I have to say that life is good. I have incredible friends, fantastic family and I am lucky to have the hours and days that lay ahead of me.

Tomorrow being Easter - I am even more thankful for the promise that no matter what happens to me, I am in God's hands and I will be taken care of. Whether God takes me in 5 years or 50 years, I know that I am going to a place where God will keep me safe in his arms. So the fighting of this cancer is less about me wanting to live - but living the life God wants me to live!

Who's in my boat???

2010-03-31T15:49:00.000-07:00

I've heard the the phrase "being in someone elses boat"...either you want to be in their boat or not in their boat. Right now, I think a lot about not wanting to be in the boat I'm in. It made me think back to the story in the Bible of Peter in the boat. As some of the readers of this blog may not be familiar with the story...let me give you the "Cliff Notes" version.

After feeding the five thousand, Jesus sends his disciples ahead of him in a boat to cross the Sea of Galilee. Several hours later in the night, the disciples encounter a storm. Jesus comes to them, walking on the water. This terrifies the disciples and they think they are seeing a ghost. Jesus tells them, "Take courage! It is I. Don't be afraid."

Peter replies, "Lord, if it's you, tell me to come to you on the water." So Jesus invites Peter to come. Peter gets out of the boat and begins walking on the water toward Jesus. But when Peter takes his eyes off Jesus and sees the wind and waves, he begins to sink. Peter cries out to the Lord and Jesus immediately reaches out his hand and catches Peter. As they climb into the boat together, the storm ceases. Then the disciples worship Jesus, saying, "Truly you are the Son of God."

What seems familiar to me from the story...and how I am some how relating myself to one of the 12 disciples, is that the disciples, even though they have spent a lot of time with Jesus, don't recognize him in the storm. Have I sometimes not recognized the Lord when he has comes to me in the middle of my "storm"?

The second thing that I take from this story is that the "storm" ceases when Jesus gets back in the boat with Peter. When we have Jesus "in our boat" the storms of life will be calmed.

Not sure if it's because it is Holy Week, or that I tend to question and lean on my faith when life gets complicated and seems unfair sometimes - but this story called to me this week. I need to have faith - I need to be able to walk on water when I'm asked to have faith - and at the end of the day, it is less about the boat and it's sea-worthiness...it's more about who is in the boat with me.

Here we go again...

2010-03-25T15:25:00.000-07:00

Life just seems to like seeing how much I can take I suppose. As the saying goes, God never gives you more than you can handle. If this is true, I am flattered that God has so much faith in me...that for a second he would think that I would be able to fight cancer AGAIN. Flattering, but somehow seems unfair. Anyhow, it would seem that my fight was not over...as Breast Cancer has reared it's ugly head once again. After a surgery last week, the pathology report came back with Stage 1 cells and so it is back to treatment as soon as next week.

I will post more details and updates as I have them! For now your thoughts & prayers and good juju vibes are all appreciated!

And then there was 17...

2010-03-20T15:26:00.000-07:00

So we are just 189 days away from the Seattle Breast Cancer 3 Day for the Cure. That's 27 weeks! Seems like a ways off, but it will come up quick. As of this weekend we are at 17 team members. Quite an accomplishment! My goal was to have 15 walkers this year (3 more than last year) - and now I guess I better keep recruiting to 20. What is VERY exciting to see is that we have 8 brand new walkers...we have 7 walkers returning from last years team...and 2 repeat walkers from either 2 or 3 years back. We have so many new walkers, I'm thinking about pairing the new walkers up with repeat walkers...so they have a 3 Day mentor. A lot goes in to these 3 days! It may seem like it's just a weekend away from your family - taking a Friday off from work...but it is SO MUCH more, and repeat walkers will tell you why. Often it's hard to get repeat walkers to shut up about all the ins and outs of preparing for the 3 day! There's the training, and the fundraising...and there's the shoes, and how to care for your feet...what to pack...what not to bring. What camp will be like, and in some way - all of us repeat walkers will try to tell you what the spirit of the 3 day is all about...the love, the comraderie, the smiles, the encouragement, the tears and the commitment...but until you get there and feel it for yourself, I don't think any of us will do it justice. I SO look forward to seeing their reaction to being a part of something so much bigger than themselves. So much bigger than any one of us could accomplish on our own!

If you would like to support Team Tracy (or join our Team)...check out the link below...

"TEAM TRACY" ROSTER and Donation page

Happy St. Patrick's Day!

2010-03-17T13:42:00.000-07:00

On St. Patrick's Day you hear a lot about being "LUCKY"! Sometimes I use the term Lucky too often. In reality I know I am blessed beyond belief...it has nothing to do with luck. I wish you all a "Blessed" St. Patty's Day!

When the going gets tough, the tough go walking!

2010-03-04T12:35:00.002-08:00

This week is a week that, if my life was like a computer, I would have gladly clicked "Edit - Undo". We all have them, this week was mine. It's amazing though, how often my walking shoes call my name when life is handing me a difficult hand. It's as if my shoes know, if I just get out on the road, listening to the rhythm of my feet touching the pavement, I can clear my head and life seems to make more sense. Maybe more importantly, walking reminds me of what's important. Embarking on my 4th year of walking the Breast Cancer 3 Day Walk...my mind automatically associates walking with a cause. It *not so subtlely* kicks me out of my pity party and says "snap out of it, lets look at the big picture". This is what I love about the 3 Day walk...it isn't just about 3 days I will be walking next September...it is a year long - scratch that - LIFE long commitment to making a difference. If you are a 3 Day walker...or you know someone who is...you'll know that this absolutely is all about Breast Cancer and saving lives...it's also about community and being a part of something HUGE...it's about raising as much money as possible. But there are the little things about the 3 Day that humor me...like the fact that I went in for my new pair of Brooks shoes this past week at Super Jock n Jill on Greenlake and my "Shoe Guy" Ty knows me by name and I know him by name. This is what happens when you've gone through 10 pairs of walking shoes over the past 5 years. It also makes me laugh driving down the freeway and seeing signs that say "Seattle - 20 miles". I always like to think...I could pull over right now and walk home if I had to. I also love that most of my male friends have a "Team Tracy" t-shirt of some sort...and are conditioned to wear pink to any and all Team Tracy fundraiser events. These are just some of the fun things that come along with being a 3 Day Walker.

So I challenge you all to walk. Not neccessarily 60 miles (but you are ALWAYS welcome to join Team Tracy) - but just get out and walk. I am a firm believer that when the going gets tough, the tough go walking! Trust me - it works!!

ps...This week we got our 15th team member signed up...so our team is currently on track to raise $34,500.00. WOW! This will be a team record! Last year we only raised a little over $27,000. GO TEAM TRACY GO!

60 Miles for Busts!

2010-03-01T14:05:00.001-08:00

If there is anyone out there still thinking about signing up for the Breast Cancer 3 Day walk. There is currently a discount on the registration fee...$65 instead of $90. Register before March 9th with the promo code RESOLVE. This is the link to our Team Page .

Also thanks to my friend Glen, who made the cute Team Tracy Logo above!!!

Inspiring video of why we walk!

2010-02-23T22:53:00.000-08:00

One of my fellow 3 Day walker Online Ambassadors, Nicole Anderson, also walked the 3 Day in Seattle this past year. She has a video of her experience on her website, and I just happened upon it this week. It's so funny to see so many familiar faces in her photo's and video...some of the same people I met along the way. She even has a picture with the red bug with Jennifer and Dustyn! I love that she called them "Walker Stalkers". That's exactly what they were. Anyhow - this is an inspiring video of Why she Walks...and why so many of us walk. Thanks Nicole for being an inspiration and sharing your experience! (warning, I needed Kleenex to watch this!)

Seattle Breast Cancer 3-Day Walk 2009 from Nicole Anderson on Vimeo.

Post Cancer Better Me!

2010-02-22T17:05:00.000-08:00

Today I have spent a lot of time thinking about how incredibly lucky I am. Yesterday I spent the day at a fundraiser for the Breast Cancer 3 Day Walk, and literally person after person that walked in to have Brunch in support of our team, was a friend or a family member or a team member. I got so many hugs yesterday, so many kisses on the cheek...so many words of encouragement and so much support of my journey to raise money to find a cure for Breast Cancer. It made me so thankful for these people in my life - who truly watched me fight for my life over the past (almost) 2 years. It made me think about my life and how different it would be right now had I not been diagnosed with Breast Cancer. Would something have come along that I would be so passionate about that I would spend every day thinking about how I could raise money and awareness for it? Would I have met so many wonderful people who have embraced me and encouraged me to be the best version of myself possible. To take risks - to set big goals - to achieve more than I ever imagined.

Could cancer have given me my life back? Could cancer, although trying to kill me in the process, given me a reason for living? I go back to the day that my doctor told me I had cancer - a surreal, terrifying moment. Being told you have cancer should just kill you instantly in my opinion. The pain that goes through your rapidly beating heart and the nausea that almost immediately sets in, should just kill you. It's like taking a bullet! But what I realize now, is that conversation I had with my doctor would literally change my life forever.

I'm not saying that I'm happy I got cancer...but my life has changed for the better! Cancer has not defined me...but it has given me something to fight for and ultimately live for!!!

Susan G Komen - Race for the Cure in Seattle - Join TEAM TRACY!

2010-02-17T14:52:00.000-08:00

Calling all friends, family and even strangers...who would love to be part of a Susan G. Komen event and help find a cure for Breast Cancer. I have started a TEAM TRACY for the Race for the Cure which is Sunday, June 6th, 2010 in Seattle. This is a 5K (approx. 3.5miles) event and you can either walk or run it! (I will be walking) The registration is $30...and there is no minimum fundraising goal. In fact you don't have to fundraise at all if you don't want to! So this is a little bit easier to do, and little less of a committment than the 3 Day Walk. 56+ miles less - no sleeping on the ground - no minimum fundraising goals...This is meant to be fun and something a big group of us can do together to remember our loved ones, to honor survivors in our lives and make a difference in the fight against Breast Cancer! I would love for you to join me!!!

To Join the Team click HERE!!!

Women of West Seattle...

2010-02-16T16:34:00.000-08:00

The YWCA Women’s Health Outreach Program and South Seattle Community College will conduct a mobile mammography screening Tuesday, Feb. 23rd, from 9 a.m. to 3 p.m. at SSCC, 6000 16th Ave. SW, in West Seattle. The Washington Breast and Cervical Health Program provides no-cost pap tests, clinical breast exams and mammograms to income-eligible women over age 40 who are uninsured or under-insured. People with insurance also are welcome. Screenings are done in the Swedish (Cancer Institute) Breast Care Express, a full-service mammography clinic on wheels. For more information or to make an appointment, contact the YWCA at 206-436-8623.