Missing Miss Kate...

Yesterday I woke up to a phone call letting me know that my friend, Kate, who was battling Breast Cancer for a second time - had passed away.  She had been moved to hospice less than a week ago - so we knew her time was limited.  It was one of those phone calls no one should have to make - and no one should have to receive.  I held it together on the phone - but after sitting a moment I erupted into a flood of tears and emotion.  It never gets easier.  People always say they passed peacefully with their family surrounding them.  A 9 year old daughter should not have to stand in a hospital room and say goodbye to her mother.  Her 3 year old will never understand why one day her mom didn't come home.  Her parents should not have to bury their daughter.  My emotion quickly turned from sadness to anger.  I turned on the TV and saw all the NFL players wearing their pink cleats and a pink ribbon on their jersey - it made me want to punch something.  I get it that they are raising awareness, and they donate proceeds from their online auction...but that isn't going to bring Kate back.  My anger soon turned to fear and guilt.  Kate and I had very similar stories in the beginning of our cancer journey, which is why we began talking and swapping battle stories.  Why am I still here and she's not?  How did she get taken away from her husband and children - and I get to celebrate my 37th Birthday in 2 weeks.  This disease is so wreckless and unfair.

Kate and I met last year while I was doing chemo (the 2nd time) and she called me "Magic" (yes, like the basketball player).  I didn't know why, and finally one day I just had to ask.  She said that one day in the chemo suite she was in the hall and heard laughter erupting out of the room.  She asked the nurse what was going on in there - and the chemo nurse said "Tracy is here - she is pure magic". So that is how she remembered me...I was now "Magic". As we got to know eachother a little better - she would ask if I brought my fairy dust to sprinkle on everyone.  I always liked that idea - as if every hug, handshake, wink or kiss left a trail of fairy dust.

I had seen Kate the week before I was going to do the 3 Day Walk, she actually is the one that came up with idea for the "fueled by chemo & determination" sign I wore on my back. I told her that I was starting to think I was nuts for trying to go to the 3 Day...and she said "Magic, your "only" job is to go there with an open heart and let the miracles happen".  I can tell you - for certain...that miracles happened throughout that entire 3 days.  Connections with old friends, seeing the "Aha!" moments of so many new walkers, seeing how much love and consideration the crew and community gave all of us - and making connections with so many new friends and wondering how I ever survived the week before without them in my life.  

I now know that Kate had stopped her treatment awhile ago, and decided to spend her last couple of months enjoying time with her family.  Seeing her that Tuesday before the 3 Day was a total fluke - or NOT.  Miracles happen - every day.  I believe that Kate will now be the one sprinkling fairy dust on my life, my conversations, my sometimes heavy heart.

Kate,
You will be missed my sweet friend!  Your mega-watt smile will never be forgotten, and I will cherish our talks in the "suite".
Love, Magic