Greetings from the War Room...

Today was my "War Room" meeting at the hospital.  I like to call it the War Room because it is the meeting I have with all of my doctors at once.  My surgical oncologist, Dr. C and my radiation oncologist, Dr. W and then my chemotherapy specialist and the gal who does the nutritional/wellness training.  Anyhow, they all sit around with all of their input, and files with all my stats in them.  It is a little mind boggling to have all these people sit around and talk about stuff that sometimes I have to say, now what is that again???  I have gotten pretty good over the 2 plus years of listening to this medical jargon.  I know what most of it means...every once in awhile I still need to have them put it in laymen terms.  

But here's the nitty gritty...I have 2 more chemotherapy sessions left, after that I will do a whole gamut of tests - but my doctors feel confident that where my numbers are at - I will be finished.  So as much as I try not to let myself get caught up on dates and finish lines...there is reason to believe that by the end of July, this nightmare could be over, again...for good this time. God willing.

It's funny, the past couple of months have been interesting ones.  You don't need a War Room of specialists to tell you how you "really" have been feeling.  They will tell you what your white blood cell count is, your CEA levels...your platelet count...how much weight you've lost.  All that physical stuff...but what about the stuff you can't see.  How do you measure fear and insecurity?  Sometimes I wish there was blood work or a test you could take that told you when you were on the verge of losing it.  "No more chemo for this girl, she isn't emotionally stable".  Funny it doesn't work that way.  Having to swallow your pride and your independence like a jagged pill...it all has it's way of taking it's toll.  But as it takes it's toll, it also makes you very VERY aware of who you are.  Good and Bad...when you're stripped down to your emotional core, you learn what's really in there.  And that is a gift cancer has given me...I know where I stand with myself.  People always talk about loving others for what is on the inside, not just for what you see on the outside.  Sadly, most of us don't love ourselves enough on the inside - as much as we do on the outside.  But to take a long hard look at the inside is a gift, almost like having a War Room sit down with yourself. 

Next chemo appointment is Monday...until then...