Chemo + Hair Dye don't mix!

Happy Tuesday. Well, I wasn't too happy this morning...I woke up after sleeping for 10 1/2 hours with a splitting headache...one of the side effects from chemo that is really irritating. I mean, you shouldn't wake up with a headache like this unless you had the pleasure of drinking champagne the night before, or had a few too many shots of whiskey while singing karaoke in a trashy Chinese Restaurant. Can you tell I've felt this headache before - it's just that this time, I didn't get to enjoy what induced it. Oh well...this is a side effect that has haunted me from the beginning - so nothing new there. And the nausea is pretty standard as well...atleast for a good 12 hours or so. If I can suck it up for a few hours, the headache and the nausea usually subside by the end of the day.

So last week I decided I was going to color my hair. I had the same box of "Nice & Easy" from the drugstore that I always use. Dark Brown 120. I leave it on for 25 minutes, and it comes out the same color as my natural hair color - but covers those few pesky gray hairs. Well, last week - I washed out the hair dye, and my hair was black. No one shared with me that chemo can effect how yours hair takes hair color. I didn't ask - but I didn't know. Apparently your hair becomes porous, and sucks up the color much quicker. I guess I should have only left it on for 10 minutes, not 25. Oops! I am happy I still have my hair, so I won't complain... but for all you chemo patients out there - beware of coloring your hair - apparently even up to a few months after treatment!

The Gilda's Club fundraiser last night was great. Although I had taken my chemo pill at 2pm and by 8pm, I was starting to feel weird. Fatigued and having hot flashes...so we left. But Jennifer got her Trufant Seahawks jersey signed by Marcus Trufant (also a Cougar Alum), so she was happy - and that was our goal for the night. I got to see some friends I hadn't seen in awhile, so it was good to catch up.

Reflecting on the past 3 months, looking back on what's gone on, how I've dealt with everything - from treatments, dealing with relationships, trying to find a sense of normalcy...the fight is very much about cancer, but it's even more a fight to be YOU. It's very easy to wake up somedays (like today) and feel like somewhere in the middle of all of this, I've lost myself. I want to be Tracy first, and cancer second. I would love to not be cancer at all! But I realize that is what everyone see's when they look at me. They analyze everything about me...does she look tired, does she look like she's lost weight, does her hair look thinner. It makes every day a fight to just be! I think this might be the one thing - more than anything, that I look forward to when this is all over. The idea that I won't have to have that battle with myself everyday. I will be Tracy again. Regular old Tracy.